YOU JUST TOOK HOME A $100K BONUS, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO NEXT?

"I’ve been pretty poor the past few years, so after getting this bonus, I’ll have to fight again in like eight or nine years." - Tom Lawlor, who received a $100k bonus for submitting CB Dollaway at UFC 100.  (MMA Weekly)

"That’ll probably be how long it takes me to run out of money if I keep living at the standard of living I’ve been at. Look for me in about 2018." - Lawlor.

"[At] UFC 200 I’ll be fighting the serpent from Revelations, as the world is coming to an end in about nine years." - Lawlor, quickly becoming one of my favorite fighters.

"I’m not sure what else I can do. Maybe the Techno Viking dance." - Lawlor.  Unfortunately, Pat Barry already beat you to it.  (And it'll be hard to top.) (MMA Junkie)

I HAVEN'T SEEN A HEEL LIKE THIS SINCE SGT. SLAUGHTER BECAME AN IRAQI SYMPATHIZER

"I’d like to see him fight Cain my teammate you know or Shane Carwin or some of these other guys because I don’t think he’s technically a top fighter." - Mike Swick.  Well, technically, he's the UFC heavyweight champ.  And, technically, he just beat three legitimate heavyweights in a row.  And, technically, he's the best thing to happen to the UFC since Liddell/Ortiz II. (Cage Writer)

"I mean we’re not WWE. You know, we’re a different organization." - Swick.  Thanks for the clarification.

"And I'm thinking what is that a special occasion? You're married to Sable, you think that would be happening all the time." - Former UFC heavyweight champ Randy Couture, who knows a thing or two about bedding women. (Cage Writer)

MURRRRCKED

"When Lesnar didn't come after me, that really threw me off." - Former UFC heavyweight champ Frank Mir.  (Las Vegas Review-Journal)

"He ran like a lightweight. It's my fault. I should have trained that he would be intimidated from the standup." - Mir, revisionist.  You also might have wanted to train not getting smashed in the face.

"I basically was within a half-an-inch of catching him." - Mir.  Really?

"ESPN showed him spitting and hollering. My children are looking. I’m shaking my head, pointing at my kids and going, ‘That’s not how you want to do it, guys.'" - Mir.  Bullshit.  You were still shaking the cobwebs out of your head.

#SHORTESTMMABOOKS GETTING BY ON YOUR OWN MERITS BY KIT COPE AND SHAWN TOMPKINS

"If she keeps training the way she's training now, she's gonna get her ass kicked. And that's a lot of ass." - Kit Cope (2-4), speaking about former squeeze Gina Carano.  Cope knows a thing or two about getting your ass kicked. (MMA Junkie)

"If she keeps training where she is, she's over at Xtreme Fashion, she's not gonna get what she needs." - Cope

"He hasn't seen her train in three years. What does he know?" - Xtreme Couture trainer Shawn Tompkins (0-4).  (Cage Writer)

"I do remember this though, I was the one walking through the door where he's the Muay Thai coach and I was the one coaching the owner. Who's the better coach?" - Tompkins.  Cope teachers Muay Thai at the Team Wand gym.

"There is media that's in a very safe place." - Cope, on a Gina Carano sex tape.

"Come on kiddies! Listen to the whole interview. The sex tape thing was OBVIOUSLY a joke response to a listener’s question." - Cope.  Sounds like someone's still a little pussy-whipped. (The Underground)

"I just need to add, I've smashed a lot finer than that." - Cope.  Just like all the smashing you do in the cage, amirite?

I AM SO HIGH.  I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT'S GOING ON RIGHT NOW.

"Most of the guys that fought Lyoto… found a problem with patience, with finding the right moment to attack, or to counter-strike him. Some guys try to rush it too much; some guys try to stay too patient, (and) they start to get nervous because of that." - Mauricio Rua.  Basically, some guys do this, some guys do that, and all of them fail. (MMA Weekly)

"I think the key is the timing of the fight, to get the feeling of when to engage and when to counter-strike him." - Rua.  Maybe if you get just a little high.

YOU WANT SOME REAL PRO WRESTLING BS?

"UFC is not out of the picture." - Former UFC light heavyweight champ Tito Ortiz.  Christ, I thought both of you said you weren't coming back as long as Dana White was in charge. (TapouT Radio)

"So we kind of amended and squashed things, which is great." - Ortiz.  Depends on your definition of "great."

"I gotta thank Strikeforce for giving me an opportunity and I want to thank Affliction for giving me an opportunity." - Ortiz.  Now I really want to see you fight Fedor Emelianenko.

WHITE NOISE

"I went to EA Sports. Know what EA Sports said? ‘It’s not a sport. This isn’t a sport. We would never get involved in something like this.’" - UFC President Dana White.  I have this weird feeling that you're lying, Dana.  (Yahoo)

"We come out with a video game and now they want to come out with a video game? Fuck you." - White.  EA already has a playable version.  This shit does not pop up over night, if you get my drift.

PARTING SHOTS

"I drank so much that I forgot my whole name." - UFC welterweight champ Georges St. Pierre, on celebrating after his UFC 100 victory over Thiago Alves. (GSP's blog)

"St. Pierre is a great fighter, fought very well, but I couldn’t find myself in the fight." - Thiago Alves.  I found him on his back throughout the fight. (Tatame)

"It’s instinct." - Former Pride middle- and welterweight champ Dan Henderson, with the only explanation needed for his atomic bomb on Michael Bisping. (MMA Junkie)

"I honestly don’t know what happened to me out there." - Michael Bisping.  Try circling right. (Daily Star)