DOES CLAY GUIDA LOOK LIKE THE GEICO CAVEMAN?  YUS!

"I hit him with some knees, some kicks and some uppercuts that were right on the button and he just kept on coming." - Ultimate Fighter 1 winner Diego Sanchez, the biggest Jim "the Berzerker" Nord fan in MMA, reflects on his fight of the year candidate with Clay Guida. (MMA Mania)

"No one's had a gas tank yet to last. Let's see if he's got it." - Guida, prior to the fight.  While Sanchez didn't gas, Guida slowed him down in the later rounds. (Cage Writer)

"He’s got a couple of hearts because he kept coming in the striking too even though I was landing the more effective strikes and picking my shots." - Sanchez, who absolutely battered Guida in round one.  Sanchez dropped Guida with a high kick only to see "the Carpenter" pop right back up.

"He brought a little bit of everything, kicks, punches, takedown, takedown defense." - Guida (MMA Mania)

"He’s a little Tasmanian Devil to take on." - Sanchez

"I still feel I’m the best out here in the lightweights." - Guida.  Self-delusion: so easy, even a caveman can do it.  Eh?  Eh?

SPEAKING OF DELUSIONAL...

"If Brock Lesnar was never in the WWE he would never have gotten a title shot. And he knows that." - Current UFC interim heavyweight champ Frank Mir, who should know that if he hadn't beaten that same pro wrestler, he wouldn't have received his title shot against Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira. (Maxim)

"All I remember from last time is him whimpering and wincing as I was tapping him." - Mir.  What about the other ninety seconds of him whooping your ass before Steve Mazzagatti saved you?

BROCK BEING BROCK

"You’re on the road 300 days a year, and that’s why guys get so messed up. This life becomes a part of them. It’s not real, but some guys who are still in the business think it is." - Current UFC heavyweight champ Brock Lesnar, discussing the life of a pro wrestler.  From talking to someone in the business, there's plenty of fans in the backwoods that still think it's real too. (Maxim)

"I bet you I’ve taken over 60 steroid tests. In college I had 15 random drug tests in two years. I’ve taken drug tests for the NFL, the WWE, the UFC. I must be pretty good at masking steroids." - Lesnar.  Yes, you must be very good at it.

"God gave me this body: Are you jealous of it or what?" - Lesnar.  If the sacrifice for a million dollar body is a five cent head, no, I'm not jealous whatsoever.

"Give me a break. I got the genetics of—not to get into racism or anything—but I’m built like a black man." - Lesnar.  Not to get into racism, but white people are stupid.

"I wouldn’t say we’re all created equal. That’s just to make the other guys feel good who don’t have what you’ve got." Lesnar.  Holy shit, he reads Nietzsche?

SINKING FASTER THAN THE TITANIC

"I was bullied all through high school, where I was never a big guy." - Former UFC heavyweight champ Tim Sylvia, still bullied as a six-foot-eight adult. (Fighters Only)

"If everything goes right, I will be on the second season of Bully Beatdown." - Sylvia, such lofty career aspirations.

"What I want to pitch to them is, bring in one or two bullies that bullied me, and what I want to do is take the money — the ten or twenty thousand dollars you win — and donate it to charity, I don’t need it." - Sylvia, who may not need the money, but desperately needs a couple wins.

"That is a place I have always wanted to fight." - Sylvia, on fighting in Japan.  I mean, he might be a slight betting favorite over Ikuhisa Minowa.  Hell, they might want to bring Genki Sudo out of retirement. (Sherdog)

HOW TO MAKE ENEMIES WITH ESTROGEN

"It's a piss-poor excuse that's, like, trained in guys that when that issue is brought up, it's like, 'Ok. Cool. That excuses everything.'" - Shayna Baszler, taking Cris "Cyborg" Santos to task for hiding behind the "female issues" escuse." (MMA Fanhouse)

"It gives us a reason to throw tantrums for no reason, gain weight and not make it, and they don't question it." - Baszler.  Well, I wouldn't say we don't question it.  I've never seen anything push otherwise reasonable-minded females into temporary bouts of insanity than then having men blame their behavior on their period.  Young men out there, don't make this mistake.

"It's like a 'get out of jail free' card." - Baszler, and it regenrates every month. Jealous!

GREED, FOR LACK OF A BETTER WORD, IS GOOD

"I know the truth and Dana knows the truth –- I had a one fight deal with UFC and I fulfilled my contractual obligation." - Mirko "Cro Cop" Filipovic, addressing the UFC/Dream contract debacle.  Scumbag or not, the only thing I think we can all agree on is that this statement is true. (Index.hr)

"The problem is I’m 35 and I’m finally healthy. UFC is offering me a fight six months from now. Even before UFC 99 I said that won’t work for me, but they said something like they’re gonna change it." - Filipovic.  Because what run down 35 year old kickboxers need to do is fight three more times in six months.

"I still stand behind my words and I know the best fighters are in the UFC, but if they’re offering me the next fight in six months I don’t see how I could take it." - Filipovic, acutely aware of a certain Russian outside the Zuffa grasp.

AT LEAST HE'S HONEST

"People keep telling me that I'm a big guy and they think I'll do pretty well. I don't believe 'em, I think they're out of their minds. I'm planning on getting beat up by Anderson Silva." - Former UFC light heavyweight champ Forrest Griffin, brimming with confidence for his upcoming fight at UFC 101. (Cage Potato)

"I've got my camp putting Visine in his water." - Griffin, showing off that expert Xtreme Couture gameplanning.

"I want nothin' to do with that guy. Keep him away from me." - Griffin, on Lyoto Machida.  I'm sure Machida will be happy to oblige.

"I would drink Machida's urine." - Griffin

LET ME FILL YOU IN ON A LITTLE SECRET

"There’s this Cyborg fight that everybody’s stoked on, and I just felt that if God really wants me to be a part of something, then I feel like being part of something as a group with all of the other female fighters and building something up, rather than being this one-person show is going to be better for the females that come after me. I feel a part of something (in Strikeforce) and I think that’s more important than just looking out for me." - Gina Carano.  Read: Strikeforce was willing to pay me more. (Sherdog)

PARTING SHOTS

"I didn't go on that show to become a rock star. I was just going out there and being myself." - Damarques Johnson.  Do you always go around and pray *just* loud enough for a microphone to hear you? Because that's really weird and creepy. (Cage Writer)

"I promised everyone to use my jiu-jitsu but Conor was actually the perfect opponent for me." - Jorge Gurgel.  I promise my girlfriend I'll clean the dishes, doesn't mean it's going to happen. (Cage Writer)

"Somebody’s gotta have that rough road, and I guess that’s me." - Jens Pulver. Exercises in fatalism. (The Fukerton)

"Calling him a douche bag doesn’t mean I hate him or anything approaching that." - Former Pride middleweight and welterweight champ Dan Henderson, on UFC 100 opponent Michael Bisping. (MMA Mania)

"I would've saved EliteXC, saved everybody a lot time and hassle watching this bum make a fool of himself." - Joe Riggs wanted to fight Kimbo Slice real bad. (Cage Writer)

"I was told that I had to rest my ribs for a while so I couldn’t work out on the stability ball which is crucial to getting a good workout, most guys like to train BJJ, boxing or whatever but the stability ball encompasses all of those aspects into one." - Former EliteXC middleweight champion Frank Shamrock, exposing his flawed training techniques. (Gracie Fighter)

"You ain’t shit, Tim!" - Ray Mercer, with the iconic quote for this MMA generation. (CBS)