Cracked.com's Top-8 Oh Shit Moments in MMA

“For baseball fans, this is like getting your eye knocked out by a fastball, then hitting 16 home runs with one swing.”

That is the funniest shit I’ve read in a long time.

Too effin’ funny!! Rec’d!

“After the fight went to the ground, Keith Hackney passed to side mount. Or as it was known back then, hey-get-up-and-do-karate-you-queers position. Joe Son confusedly held onto a kind-of guillotine headlock which left Keith’s right arm free to do whatever it wanted. And it wanted to pound balls.”

I have to comment again on how absolutely ridiculously funny that article is. Excellent find.

Of course it’s hilarious. If you guys aren’t familiar with him, get familiar. He has been owning the interwebs with hilarity for over a decade.

Nogueria is legally unkillable, so he shrugged it off

Fedor Emelianenko is a merciless knockout machine that emerged from the ruins of war torn Stalingrad to avenge the angry dead. Kevin Randleman is a wrestler whose body was kidnapped by science and mostly replaced with horse DNA.

But in UFC 4, Keith Hackney’s fists painted a no-rules masterpiece on the canvas of Joe Son’s balls.

The end result is a lot like getting knocked out, only you’re awake for it. Your arms and legs stop working and you see an Indian with an extra horse beckoning you into the woods.

He threw an overhand right into Sell’s face that removed a year of elementary school from his brain.

These days, Frank Mir might have a slight disagreement about Nog being legally unkillable… but that piledriver sure looked brutal.

Speaking about brutal – this was actually the first time ever I saw the Randleplex. Sweet mother of potatoes, that move – and especially what happened after it – proves Fedor is not human. A human neck should have – would have – splintered into half a million plus one tiny pieces.

To top it off, Smith-Sell is just brilliant. “Ok, I may be dead but I’M TAKING HIM WITH ME!”

I almost died laughing.

I had never seen Krazy Horse run out the ring before – what the hell is he doing?

I think Randleman/Cro Cop should be on there, too – but the Bryant Gumbel line was absolutely priceless. And yes, Bob Sapp could beat Jesus in a fish-making contest.

This was great.

After the fight went to the ground, Keith Hackney passed to side mount. Or as it was known back then, hey-get-up-and-do-karate-you-queers position.

Vitor’s first four fights in the UFC were all the same. He ran in, punched his opponent in the face 70,000 times in ten seconds, and then his corner would cheer "jiu jitsu! jiu jitsu!" in victory. I think it must be portuguese for "face doctor! face doctor!

The accuracy of this one is STUNNING.

I seriously LOVED this dude when I was in like Jr. High/High School. It’s nice to see he’s still got “it”

The referee thought he was only there to check people for ninja stars, so he had no idea it was his responsibility to save someone from this type of savagery. He was only there to enforce no rules!

That was everyone’s favorite ref, Big John McCarthy.

This guy is hilarious. I just read all of his other stuff.

If you haven’t read his classic NES stuff, do it now.