Excerpt From Forrest Griffin's New Book "Got Fight?"

by Nick Thomas on May 30, 2009 3:06 PM EDT Comment 18 comments

WASH YOUR BALLS

"I’m going to veer off course for a moment, but this is important. . .If you haven’t washed your balls in four days and your feet smell like you’ve soaked them for half an hour in a bucket of dog turds, please, please do not come to grappling practice. I’m serious—don’t even leave the house. There is nothing worse in this world than rolling around on the mats with a guy who reeks like Rosie O’Donnell’s greasy butt crack. If you’ve grappled for a couple of years at a number of different places, you know exactly what I’m talking about. You know exactly whom I’m talking about.

When you close your eyes, you can still see the silhouette of that gangly kid with pee-stained board shorts, his rankness flowing on a river of sweat into your ears and other orifices. Forgive me for being insensitive ladies, but I imagine it’s a lot like being sexually assaulted; after the fact, you drive home with a far away look in your eyes and then suddenly wake up in the shower, your skin raw from having scrubbed yourself down with a wire brush. It’s a harrowing experience many of us never recover from, so I have no remorse for the assailants in these dastardly acts. If you happen to be a swamp-creature that has no respect for yourself or those you come into contact with, do not take a shower and wash your clothes. It is too late for that—you’ve already ruined lives. Simply find the nearest solid object and repeatedly run your face into it until you cease to exist. You’re a walking, talking fungal factory, and you have no right being here.

The reason I sound a bit harsh is that I’ve been victimized by general filthiness on multiple occasions. In one such assault, I received a nasty staph infection. I’m not going to give you the clinical definition (too lazy to look that shit up), but all you really need to know is that it fucking sucks. . . . ."

Available in stores on June 2, 2009. Click here for book signing dates.

-- Quote from the UG.

The FanPosts are solely the subjective opinions of Bloody Elbow readers and do not necessarily reflect the views of Bloody Elbow editors or staff.

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Haha

The interesting thing in having a co/ghost writer with a guy like Forrest is that it actually improves the contents. It’s clearly written verbatim and that makes me more interested in reading it, because Forrest is one of those bizarro borderline genius/idiots that deeply fascinate me.

I poop rainbows.

by Blackout612 on May 30, 2009 3:23 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs

He calls himself a ‘well read idiot’

by subo on May 30, 2009 4:48 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

Hilarious! But the instructors i know wouldnt stand for that kind of stinkiness…
and i wont roll with a smelly dood sorry!

by radamez85 on May 30, 2009 4:18 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs

Sold.

by subo on May 30, 2009 4:48 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs

Two days too late

I’m leaving to Lebanon (also Amsterdam and Egypt) tomorrow night and would have liked to read this bad boy. Trying to find a good place to tell you dudes, but wouldn’t do a fanpost about that (I’m not that cool). I won’t be checking anything on here because I’m having all MMA events recorded for me and am a dick about spoilers.

I poop rainbows.

by Blackout612 on May 30, 2009 4:54 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

Well boo - but enjoy the hashish

How long will we be shorthanded against the unwashed hordes?

by subo on May 30, 2009 5:37 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

Undecided

I’ll probably come back towards the end of June. HOOKAH!!

I poop rainbows.

by Blackout612 on May 30, 2009 6:02 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

Also

For reference, I will be smoking tobacco from the hookah. I do not partake in the hashish or reef. Yeah, I’m boring..

I poop rainbows.

by Blackout612 on May 30, 2009 9:23 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

Pictures will be required upon return. Have fun and try to stay out of the news.

A man should never waste an opportunity to keep his mouth shut.

by iiowyn on May 30, 2009 9:48 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

Dude, it’s legal over there. When in Rome and all that shit – or do you plan on eating at The Olive Gardens and Villages Inns whilst there, as well?

by subo on May 30, 2009 10:49 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs

Have a good time.

I’m already missing the rainbows.

"I see him beating Anderson Silva. I see him picking him apart. Him at a 131 years old...(trails off)." - Tito on Belfort at Affliction:DOR

by Rundownloser on May 30, 2009 11:45 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

Obviously Forrest has rolled with Timmah or Matt Lindland at some point.

Keep firing Assholes!

This is a dream competition for me. I drink as much coffee as I want, and eventually I hallucinate.

by Ubernoober on May 30, 2009 5:39 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs

‘Matt Lindland is a stinky skunk’ jokes never ever get old.

by subo on May 30, 2009 9:16 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

Tim just looks stinky. His nickname should be Linus. You can practically see the stink lines.

I poop rainbows.

by Blackout612 on May 30, 2009 9:24 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

Timmah pooped his pants man.

Keep firing Assholes!

This is a dream competition for me. I drink as much coffee as I want, and eventually I hallucinate.

by Ubernoober on May 30, 2009 10:29 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

i still like “pee pee taste” as his new nickname.

by bdw on May 31, 2009 12:19 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

From Amazon.com

0 of 2 people found the following review helpful:
For douche bags by a douche bag, June 7, 2009
By Brian Kodi – See all my reviews

Customer review from the Amazon Vine™ Program (What’s this?)
Mr. Griffin epitomizes the leading theories on what it takes to be great by authors such as Geoff Colvin (“Talent is overrated”). Mr. Griffin is neither a grappling phenom like BJ Penn, nor a striking genius like Anderson Silva. His world class performance is the product of practice, perseverance and gameness. In that regard, Mr. Griffin has a unique success story to share that is much different from the path most world class MMA champions such as Randy Couture have taken. Unfortunately, “Got Milk” is partly a collection of mindless Rated R drivel such as:

Wash your balls before grappling practice
Avoid intercourse before a fight because “when pounding away like a construction worker, it’s also possible to get physically injured.” Substitute oral acts instead.
“Advice for fat and tremendously out of shape fighter”
Techniques to get into the hottest nightclubs and which chicks to avoid
Movie recommendations: Interestingly, I found my taste to be similar to Mr. Griffin’s with indie favorites such as “Intacto”, “28 Days Later”, and “Brick”.

“Got Fight” is deficiently autobiographical, instructional, comical, and not the least bit inspirational. Mr. Griffin has a story to tell, but you won’t find it in “Got Milk”. He is one of my favorite MMA fighters, but this ain’t one of my favorite books.

"My job is a decision-making job, and as a result, I make a lot of decisions." --George W. Bush, The Decider, Lancaster, Pa., Oct. 3, 2007

by lovingmma25 on Jun 8, 2009 11:35 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs