EXCLUSIVE: Dr. Phil to Help BJ Penn Face Reality
by MMAEruption on May 14, 2009 11:48 PM EDT
40 comments
THIS JUST IN:
According to a recent announcement, UFC lightweight champion BJ Penn will appear on the Dr. Phil Show Friday afternoon. Originally set to help troubled youngsters fighting in underground clubs, Dr. Phil will now attempt to talk BJ out of the latest ridiculous turn in his "Lubrigate" battle with welterweight champ Georges St. Pierre.
I recently spoke with Dr. Phil himself on the issue:
"BJ Penn is absolutely, positively delusional. I'm saying that with 1000% certainty. I don't know if this craziness is the product of a wealthy upbringing and a limitless supply of burritos, but it's time for the Prodigy to get real.
BJ needs to accept the fact that he was born to fight at 155 pounds, and he needs to fight three times a year. He also needs to realize that there is zero shame in losing to Georges St. Pierre. For the good of the UFC's lightweight division, BJ's insanity needs to stop.
I've helped cheating spouses, drug addicts, and teenage sluts. BJ will be my biggest challenge yet."
Ever-volatile UFC President Dana White had this to say about the situation:
"BJ Penn is a f*cking nightmare. I'd rather be stuck in an elevator with Tito Ortiz, Frank Shamrock, and Josh Gross than try and talk sense into BJ and his Mom.
Dr. Phil is one tough son of a bitch and he'll tell BJ like it is."
A lot of people are critical of Dana White, but enlisting Dr. Phil to save the UFC's lightweight division from further chaos is a brilliant move. If BJ can be convinced that fighting at 155 is what's best for him, we'll see some great matchups for him against the likes of Diego Sanchez, Tyson Griffin, and maybe even Sean Sherk again.
If Dr. Phil can't get BJ to accept that he's a lightweight fighter, maybe the Prodigy will at least agree to drop the LW title and enter the welterweight division as an ordinary contender, ready to work his way up the ladder.
File under satire
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This is good, but be prepared for the hate.
by nitro on May 14, 2009 11:58 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
I wish this was real.
Keep firing Assholes!
This is a dream competition for me. I drink as much coffee as I want, and eventually I hallucinate.
by Ubernoober on May 15, 2009 12:08 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs
This is how to do satire!
I kept reading this in Dr. Phil’s voice in my head.
Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try Again. Fail again. Fail better. -Samuel Beckett
by themachiavellian on May 15, 2009 12:39 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Why in the name of Sexyama is this not rec’d more?
A man should never waste an opportunity to keep his mouth shut.
by iiowyn on May 15, 2009 12:57 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs
i'm not trying to be an ass, but
sorry, i just dont find this funny at all..
by Anton Tabuena on May 15, 2009 2:33 AM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
I’m not trying to be an ass. I just like to say things that make me seem like one
by Flyghtt on May 15, 2009 9:29 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
What? can’t I say that I don’t find something funny? ..I wasn’t even giving shit to anyone, I just said I didn’t like it. Geez.
by Anton Tabuena on May 16, 2009 9:34 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
It’s a perfectly reasonable course of action to go around telling people you don’t find their joke funny as opposed to just not saying anything at all. It’s a great way to win friends. Keep doing it and watch people smile at you and think “he’s definitely not an ass because he prefaces every comment by saying ’I’m not trying to be an ass but…’”.
Next time you don’t find something funny, just keep on keep’in on. There’s no shame in that.
by Dooda on May 17, 2009 2:36 AM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
Man, oh man, you had me going for a moment. This is EPIC!
…although, it might not be a bad idea to prepare for a phone call from BJ’s mom…
by lhasafi on May 15, 2009 5:14 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Note to satirical writers: I want to see a Sexyama Top Model article. Trying to make ugly UFC fighters pretty.
Follow my analysis of all things MMA on BloodyElbow.com
by Leland Roling on May 15, 2009 9:20 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Genius!
I love this.
"I'm AJB and I endorse this nut-puncher."
by AJB on May 15, 2009 11:29 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs
I dont know why everyone ignores the fact that GSP’S corner cheated. If BJ wants his due justice let him get it.
by JaTinkles on May 15, 2009 12:34 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Because it’s not a “fact”, as the NSAC said that wasn’t the case. The fact that you try to pass it off as fact, however, shows that your a front-line member of the Jonestown-esque BJ Penn religious cult.
by Hardcharger on May 15, 2009 12:39 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
thats not true I SAW HIS CORNER RUBBING GREASE ON HIM! how is that not fact. it doesnt matter if you cheat intentionally or unintentionally cheating is cheating.
by JaTinkles on May 15, 2009 12:43 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Did you see the guy from the NSAC wiping it off of him, too?
by subo on May 15, 2009 1:24 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
No, cheating by definition has to be unintentional. BTW, corners rub grease on fighters between every round of every fight. That grease gets over the bodies of each fighter.
You’re doing yourself no favors here, and it also seems that your caps lock button is malfunctioning. You may want to step away from the Brazilian Jonestown kool-aid.
by Hardcharger on May 15, 2009 2:32 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
I grease up my keyboard between posts so a malfunctioning shift key isn’t out of the ordinary.
by JaTinkles on May 15, 2009 2:43 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
But to your post, Dana White clearly said that GSP’s corner cheated. So I dont get why everyone is pummeling BJ for trying to get his due justice. Dana even said " GSP is in big trouble with the NSAC" in his video blog.
by JaTinkles on May 15, 2009 2:45 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
Unfortunately for you and Dana, Dana speaks first and thinks later. What Dana says in this manner is irrelevant (obviously, since he told BJ to stop whining and drop it, and BJ and his mom clearly haven’t). The NSAC ruled in favor of GSP and his corner. Amazingly, there’s been no uproar nor any mom’s testifying for Thales Leites after Anderson Silva greased up his body at UFC 97. I wonder why that is.
by Hardcharger on May 15, 2009 3:53 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
Man, that gif could get some use around here.
by subo on May 16, 2009 1:22 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
Dana could have said what the hell ever he wanted – he has no say whatsoever in what NSAC does. He could have said in his video blog that the referee of GSP-Penn II did cocaine between the rounds and that alone would not have forced NSAC to do a single thing.
Yes, during the match there was a (questionable) issue of GSP’s cornermen transfering Vaseline to his back. The NSAC caught it, addressed it according to the rules and the fight was allowed to both continue and end. Had the NSAC found evidence of cheating, I do think they would have addressed it. They did change the rules about who can use Vaseline between the rounds, remember.
Phil Nurse may have messed up, but it was apparently decided to be minor. BJ Penn just can’t get over the fact that he lost.
by lhasafi on May 16, 2009 7:54 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
Ironically, BJ is my favorite fighter.
His problem now is that wrong or right, GSP has won in the court of public opinion. People don’t want to listen to excuses for his loss (whether they’re justified or not) after all the pre-fight smack talk.
This post was just a silly expression of my frustration with the whole situation.
by MMAEruption on May 15, 2009 1:35 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
BOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Penn’s my favorite fighter and just feels strongly about the issue. He should probably drop it, but only because he’s not getting a lot of support on the issue and it’s obvious that he won’t get anywhere. Other than that, GSP and Sherk are cheaters.
BJ! BJ! BJ! BJ!
by MauiPimpin on May 15, 2009 6:55 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Mr MMAEruption, you have made my day. This is how you do satire! Well done Sir.
"Like a ballet of violence clothed in fine Brazilian silk." ~ MMASuPreMaCy
by Benicio on May 16, 2009 12:09 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs
In other news..
on the real Dr Phil, he introduced Kenny Florian as “Kenny Florini” (flo-ree-nee)
by mythbuster on May 16, 2009 12:12 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs
I really appreciate all the recs and comments! Thanks guys!
by MMAEruption on May 16, 2009 12:19 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs
I'll give this a
6.5/10
Supporting all Las Vegas MMA.
'09 is the year of the FW's.
by ElliotMatheny on May 16, 2009 3:56 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs
HAH.
If you honestly think that Florian can sub BJ, then you’re bat shit crazy. Kenny’s takedowns have always been pretty subpar, and BJ’s takedown defense is fantastic. Not to mention the fact that BJ’s grappling is miles ahead of Florian’s.
If Kenny beats Penn (big if), then it will be by outstriking him by utilizing his slight reach advantage, and by taking away BJ’s base with leg kicks, probably for a close decision. BJ’s chin is probably too good for Florian (who doesn’t have awe- inspiring power, to begin with) to be able to score any kind of (T)KO, and his wrestling/ BJJ/ top control/ GnP simply aren’t enough to be able to replicate GSP’s dominant win over Penn.
In my opinion, BJ probably does fine in the standup, gets a takedown at some point in time, lands some solid GnP, and wins an eventual stoppage or lopsided UD.
Supporting all Las Vegas MMA.
'09 is the year of the FW's.
by ElliotMatheny on May 18, 2009 9:14 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
The day BJ wins a five round UD, I will eat my foot. He better wrap it up in the first three (or win all three rounds on all three cards) or he’ll gas in the face of Florian’s tank.
It will be a good fight – plus I saw Diaz RNC BJ on the video game preview, so it’s not like he’s invincible :-p
by subo on May 18, 2009 9:22 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
This article is obviously false because
I had a limitless supply of burritos when growing up and yet we weren’t wealthy.
In fact my parents said the reason why we eat burritos every night is because we had no money so I’m thoroughly confused here.
by Dooda on May 17, 2009 2:38 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs
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