Dear Sexyama...

Or should I call you Mister Hollywood?

Sounds like you have big plans for your UFC career. According to Zach Arnold's translation:

Akiyama was in attendance at the UFC 97 Montreal even and revealed two nicknames he will be using - "Mister Hollywood" and "Sexyama," because that’s how he rolls.

Ah, Sexyama. You seem to be confused.

America is "Hollywood" to you.

America is "Hamburger and French Fries."

America is "American Dream."

America is "Cadillac Sexy Love" to you.

America is "Alan Belcher punching your friggin' manicured teeth out."

Don't get me wrong; I can dig a bit of hamming it up. I love ham. Ham sandwiches, parma ham, hamburgers, hammertime... But there's one thing you have to do if you want to achieve Amelican Dleam in UFC.

You have to actually be able to fight.

The Japanese may love a valiant loser. In fact, they may love one more than they love a winner.

America doesn't. America is the land of the brave, the free, and the people who kick other people in the frikkin' neck HARD.

Akiyama says that he aims to achieve the American Dream and end up as big of a star as Hulk Hogan, therefore he has chosen the “Mister Hollywood” ring name.

How to achieve the American Dream in the UFC.

Step 1: Choose tongue-in-cheek ring name.
Step 2: Success! Roll around in your swimming pool full of money and pork hot babes!

Wait, wait. There must be something missing. Oh! That's it. Step 1a: Train harder than you've ever trained in your life and beat 90% of the world class athletes that are going to be put in front of you. Then you might be considered a star.

Fans of the UFC just love the Japanese (or Korean Japanese, but who cares, really?) and their kooky ring entrances, their impressive heart, their ability to carry better fighters into the later rounds and provide a nice soft face for their opponent's fist to crush repeatedly.

Yeah, they love those guys. For about five minutes. And then you're forgotten about.

So Sexyama, do us all a favour. Come out to the ring in your judo gi to opera music. Ham it up for the cameras. Wear outragoues clothing to press conferences.

But please, for the love of Hulk Hogan, win some fights first!


\The FanPosts are solely the subjective opinions of Bloody Elbow readers and do not necessarily reflect the views of Bloody Elbow editors or staff.

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