Dear Sexyama...
by Martial Farts on Apr 22, 2009 9:45 AM EDT
49 comments
Or should I call you Mister Hollywood?
Sounds like you have big plans for your UFC career. According to Zach Arnold's translation:
Akiyama was in attendance at the UFC 97 Montreal even and revealed two nicknames he will be using - "Mister Hollywood" and "Sexyama," because that’s how he rolls.
Ah, Sexyama. You seem to be confused.
America is "Hollywood" to you.
America is "Hamburger and French Fries."
America is "American Dream."
America is "Cadillac Sexy Love" to you.
America is "Alan Belcher punching your friggin' manicured teeth out."
Don't get me wrong; I can dig a bit of hamming it up. I love ham. Ham sandwiches, parma ham, hamburgers, hammertime... But there's one thing you have to do if you want to achieve Amelican Dleam in UFC.
You have to actually be able to fight.
The Japanese may love a valiant loser. In fact, they may love one more than they love a winner.
America doesn't. America is the land of the brave, the free, and the people who kick other people in the frikkin' neck HARD.
Akiyama says that he aims to achieve the American Dream and end up as big of a star as Hulk Hogan, therefore he has chosen the “Mister Hollywood” ring name.
How to achieve the American Dream in the UFC.
Step 1: Choose tongue-in-cheek ring name.
Step 2: Success! Roll around in your swimming pool full of money and pork hot babes!
Wait, wait. There must be something missing. Oh! That's it. Step 1a: Train harder than you've ever trained in your life and beat 90% of the world class athletes that are going to be put in front of you. Then you might be considered a star.
Fans of the UFC just love the Japanese (or Korean Japanese, but who cares, really?) and their kooky ring entrances, their impressive heart, their ability to carry better fighters into the later rounds and provide a nice soft face for their opponent's fist to crush repeatedly.
Yeah, they love those guys. For about five minutes. And then you're forgotten about.
So Sexyama, do us all a favour. Come out to the ring in your judo gi to opera music. Ham it up for the cameras. Wear outragoues clothing to press conferences.
But please, for the love of Hulk Hogan, win some fights first!
The FanPosts are solely the subjective opinions of Bloody Elbow readers and do not necessarily reflect the views of Bloody Elbow editors or staff.
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i love how you make serious valid points and turn it into a sarcastic comdedial pot-pourri.
(does that even make sense?)
by Anton Tabuena on Apr 22, 2009 9:57 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Thank you! You never know where I’m coming from. I’m like a bat with no sense of direction. POW!
Be water, my friend.
http://martialfarts.fightlinker.com
by Martial Farts on Apr 22, 2009 9:58 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
thales “braveheart” leites could challenge him for worst nickname everrrr..
i never knew william wallace would flop every time an opponent tried to fight him..
it’s like buffer announcing, houstooon “black belt!” alexanderrrrrrr!
by Anton Tabuena on Apr 22, 2009 10:03 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Do not knock Mister Hollywood as a nickname. I bet you don’t even like Girlfight Monster or The Hater Hunter. For shame.
by SamCupitt on Apr 22, 2009 11:22 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
This.
Just because your friends call you it doesn’t make it your fighter nickname. I’m looking at you Hendo, Kos and Kenflo.
by SamCupitt on Apr 22, 2009 11:23 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
What? Henderson’s nicknames are “Hollywood”, “Decision” and “Dangerous”. “Hendo” is just an abbreviation.
by godzillad on Apr 22, 2009 1:25 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
True, but I think Buffer has called said “hendo” once or twice.
"I see him beating Anderson Silva. I see him picking him apart. Him at a 131 years old...(trails off)." - Tito on Belfort at Affliction:DOR
by Rundownloser on Apr 22, 2009 1:31 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
I’m aware of what his nicknames used to be. But Buffer just calls him Hendo now. "Dan “Hendoooo” Henderson".
Tis stupid. Itd be like doing away with Axe Murderer and just calling him Wandy.
by SamCupitt on Apr 22, 2009 10:21 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
Like 'Kos' for Josh Koshcheck
with that hair of his, he should be known as “Sideshow”, or even “Sideshow Kos”, in homage to The Simpsons
by nandez44 on Apr 23, 2009 12:51 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
I prefer ‘Homey the Kos’ personally.
by Steve4192 on Apr 23, 2009 10:58 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
that is excellent
and he could make his entrance while beating himself with a sock.
by nandez44 on Apr 23, 2009 9:50 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
yes its terrible
its strange that he picked that horrible one, because “creepy joe” is one of the coolest nicknames in MMA imo
from the forest itself comes the handle for the axe
by troy145 on Apr 22, 2009 3:11 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
No, the worst fighter nickname is
Joseph “The Ho Bag” Bochenek. 0-10 in his fight career, with none of his fights going past the 1’st minute of the 1’st round. All losses due to submission (strikes or choke).
Supporting all Las Vegas MMA.
'09 is the year of the FW's.
by ElliotMatheny on Apr 22, 2009 11:24 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
rec -1. Big upping America hasn’t been cool since 2006
by EazyEismydad on Apr 22, 2009 11:07 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs
This is way different (read: less erotically suggestive) than my own letters to Akiyama.
Seriously though, Akiyama is an arrogant bastard, but I think “Mr. Hollywood” and the Hulk Hogan references are all in good fun. We’re still 10 weeks from the Belcher fight, so I’ll reserve judgment until I hear about what kind of training camp he’s putting in and whether or not he’s filming TV commercials a few weeks out. I just hope he watches plenty of tape on Belcher and doesn’t assume he’s being handed a gift-wrapped first win.
by Chris Nelson on Apr 22, 2009 11:52 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs
If we get to hear Buffer say “Sexyama” I may just stop watching MMA. It will all be complete after that.
http://www.sackmikegoldberg.com
by Mike Fagan on Apr 22, 2009 2:58 PM EDT reply actions 2 recs
If he does, I’ll chug a bottle of maple syrup…
by Gunslinger20 on Apr 22, 2009 3:06 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
you gotta relax your jaw, open up your throat
and don’t forget to cup the balls.
V-I-K-I-N-G-S! Skol Vikings, Let's Go!!
by TheViking83 on Apr 23, 2009 2:19 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
I’m not sure I’d give up MMA, but I would need pause the fight so I could give myself 10 minutes of quiet time
by Dabashire on Apr 22, 2009 3:09 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
In the immortal words of General George S Patton
“Americans love a winner. Americans will not tolerate a loser. Americans despise cowards. Americans play to win all of the time. I wouldn’t give a hoot in hell for a man who lost and laughed.”
Not sure if I agree these days 100% but the quote is relevant
from the forest itself comes the handle for the axe
by troy145 on Apr 22, 2009 3:10 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Also, ‘Rommel, you magnificent bastard, I read your book!!’
by subo on Apr 22, 2009 3:30 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
Baby Fedor is a terrible nickname
from the forest itself comes the handle for the axe
by troy145 on Apr 22, 2009 3:11 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Hammertime! That is a first class entrance song.
"Stop smiling you are about to be punched in the face !"
by Warhand on Apr 22, 2009 4:10 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
How dare you people besmirch The Tangerine One, Sexyama!
runs off to his offer banana milk and oil of olay to his Sexyama shrine
by a tommy point on Apr 22, 2009 7:31 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
Please, please, please don't disappoint
Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try Again. Fail again. Fail better. -Samuel Beckett
by themachiavellian on Apr 23, 2009 3:07 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs
1) I thought it was fairly obvious that his comments about being bigger than Hulk Hogan wee clearly tongue in cheek, and the entire thing was to play up his bad guy image to the Japanese press.
2) “there’s one thing you have to do if you want to achieve Amelican Dleam in UFC.” Dude, don’t be a goddamn idiot.
by Chromium on Apr 23, 2009 10:46 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
attention:
1) Your comedy detector is broken. Please return it to your nearest comedy centre for an immediate refund.
2) Confusing “l” and “r” is a staple of Japan-based comedy, don’t you know anything?!
Be water, my friend.
http://martialfarts.fightlinker.com
by Martial Farts on Apr 24, 2009 12:44 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs
It's the other way around.
There is no “L”-sound in Japanese so they often throw in an “r” sound instead because it’s the closest vocal equivilent.
by Ahhhoki on Apr 24, 2009 10:36 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
thanks
IS THERE ANYTHING YOU DON’T KNOW! WOW!
Be water, my friend.
http://martialfarts.fightlinker.com
by Martial Farts on Apr 24, 2009 8:11 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
Although...
…you do often hear them substituting Ls for Rs in music. I once asked a Japanese friend in high school why I often heard it in Japanese music. Up until that point, my impression was that Japanese people typically confused both sounds. He told me that it gave off an artistic and exotic impression, so it’s not like Japanese people don’t know L sounds exist or have no uses for them.
I’m sure Mr. Martial Farts can attest to hearing it in the music too, since he lives here in Japan, as well.
by ikari47 on Apr 25, 2009 11:57 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
Yes...
I think the R sound is too soft when they want to really enunciate while singing, so they change it to L, using the tongue to push out the sound.
Be water, my friend.
http://martialfarts.fightlinker.com
by Martial Farts on Apr 25, 2009 8:00 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
1) No, I actually found Sexyama’s comments legit funny. He is a witty and funny guy. Your post, not so much.
2) If you live over there, I’ll just chalk this up to you being jaded and not racist.
by Chromium on Apr 26, 2009 2:13 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
YOU ARE THE WINNER!
Be water, my friend.
http://martialfarts.fightlinker.com
by Martial Farts on Apr 26, 2009 5:16 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
Sexyama
Sexyama’s style alone will confuse his opponents. Silva will have to decide… should I kiss this Sexyama, or be confused to utter amazement at the aura produced from such name brands clothing.
Follow my analysis of all things MMA on BloodyElbow.com
by Leland Roling on Apr 24, 2009 5:34 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs
and the smell...
the smell of premium men’s esthe… mmmm, manly.
Be water, my friend.
http://martialfarts.fightlinker.com
by Martial Farts on Apr 24, 2009 8:11 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
On a serious note, I think Akiyama is going to get killed in the UFC MW division.
There are too many gigantic grapplers with incredible ground games. However, I think he will fare quite well once he drops down to WW.
by Steve4192 on Apr 25, 2009 11:41 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
That's just what I was thinking.
Akiyama should be able to beat the mid- level 185’ers, but he won’t win consistently against the Marquardt’s/ Hendo’s/ Maia’s etc. of the division.
I could see him doing quite well at Welter, though. His frame is perfect for that weight class, and IMO he’d be a legit threat. I want to see how well he does in the UFC with a cage, elbows, no gi, etc. before I consider Akiyama a serious title contender
Supporting all Las Vegas MMA.
'09 is the year of the FW's.
by ElliotMatheny on Apr 25, 2009 6:43 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
I’d put money on him against Marquardt or Hendo after a couple of fights in the cage. Maia is a different story, but Akiyama is a VERY tough guy to take down, grapple with, he’s very powerful. I think everyone is underestimating what he could be. Not saying he will become a champ, but the potential is there.
Follow my analysis of all things MMA on BloodyElbow.com
by Leland Roling on Apr 25, 2009 9:38 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
I will definitely take that bet.
I think guys like Marquardt, Henderson, Maia, and Okami will give him all kinds of trouble.
by Steve4192 on Apr 26, 2009 9:32 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
Completely disagree. Gigantic grapplers with incredible ground games are going to have a VERY hard time with Akiyama. If you haven’t watched him a lot, or many of his judo matches, you haven’t seen enough. He quite possibly could come in and be destructive because he’s a very well-rounded athlete who can produce unreal power with his hands, but his best attribute comes from his power in the judo game.
Yes, he could get crushed, but I think his first fight will tell us a lot.
Follow my analysis of all things MMA on BloodyElbow.com
by Leland Roling on Apr 25, 2009 9:34 PM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
“Unreal power with his hands”?
Seriously?
I won’t deny he has solid power and looked very good versus Kang, but in no way shape or form does he have ‘unreal power’. Dan Henderson has unreal power. He has KO’d multiple opponents with one-hitter quitters and all of ’em were no doubters.
I like Akiyama, but I don’t think his frame will hold up against the elite MW contenders. I think he will more than hold his own against the Alan Belcher’s of the world, but will get chewed up by the upper echelon guys in the division. I like his chances much better at WW, where the only guys I see giving him fits are GSP, Fitch, & Alves.
FWIW I have watched quite a few of his fights and yes he has been impressive. But his competition has been very spotty. For every solid win like Kang or Smirnovas, he’s got two or three guys like Tonooka, Kin, & Nagata. Also, two of his biggest wins come with major caveats. The Sakuraba fight (I know it wasn’t technically a win) had the greasing issue but I am more concerned about the fact that the Sakuraba that Akiyama destroyed is a shell of his former self. Sakuraba was D-O-N-E by the time Akiyama got his hands on him. The other win that doesn’t impress me terribly is Melvin Manhoef. Manhoef is terrible on the ground and gets submitted anytime he goes to the ground with a decent grappler (who is not completely washed up). I would give Akiyama some credit if he took Manhoef down before submitting him, but that wasn’t the case. Manhoef inexplicably tried to slam Akiyama to the ground and predictably paid the price for his mistake, getting reversed and submitted almost immediately.
Net, I think Akiyama is very good fighter, but (1) he doesn’t have the kind of physical stature needed to compete at the elite level in the MW division and (2) he has not been tested consistently against premium competition. I think he will carve out a nice little career for himself in the UFC, but I doubt he will ever crack the elite ranks at MW (though I do think he has a chance to join the elite at WW).
by Steve4192 on Apr 26, 2009 9:55 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
Disagreed. And also… Henderson isn’t going to land that right against anyone but subpar performers. Or should I say… he isn’t going to knock anyone out with that anymore. Henderson, by far, has a flawed style. Loading your right hand for the entire fight is ridiculous, and will get him beaten by Akiyama.
Also, pushing the claim that Henderson beats Akiyama by some very far in the past performances against mid-level guys isn’t convincing at all. He hasn’t KO’d anyone in a long time, and his age is becoming a problem. He’s still obviously relevant at the top of the division though, but I’d still love to see him take on someone like Marquardt.
His frame at MW is still pretty solid. I don’t understand why so many fans underrate this guy. His physique and strength is always underrated, and it’s going to be a wake up call to some of the fans touting the rest of the division over him. Marquardt will be a problem, but I still truly believe Akiyama could punish him on the feet, and be very effective defensively on the floor.
I’m not going to argue that his competition has been weak. He was a protected asset in Japan, and all the rumors swirling that he lost a step are unfounded for his last few opponents. I truly think it was a political struggle that led to those final crapy matchups.
I disagree though. He has the physical stature. He’s a behemoth at 185, but he will have range issues. Of course, Marquardt is a bit bigger than him, but Nathan is huge for 185. I still think he’s going to cause some big problems. I could be wrong though. We’ll see I suppose when he takes on Belcher, who’s a sizable 185’er.
Follow my analysis of all things MMA on BloodyElbow.com
by Leland Roling on Apr 27, 2009 9:17 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
Forget to mention, I agree that his first fight will tell us a lot.
I expect him to beat Belcher, but I expect Akiyama to really struggle with Belcher’s length and striking versatility and never come close to getting a finish. I’m expecting a rather uneventful unanimous decision where Akiyama takes it based on Octagon control and aggression. I think Belcher will slip up a few times and go for the Thai plum out of habit and get dumped on his head as a result. A couple of Ippon’s should be enough to get Akiyama the win in an otherwise disappointing fight.
by Steve4192 on Apr 26, 2009 10:00 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs
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