30 Ways You Know You Are A Die Hard MMA Fan
by ericmunley on Apr 17, 2009 10:23 AM EDT
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Print1. You've stayed up all night to watch a Pride FC or DREAM event that started at 2 am.
2. You get pissed of when you can't hear the UFC event at the bar.
3. Your 5 favorite sports teams are Jackson Submission Fighting, Team Quest, Xtreme Couture, American Top Team and Chute Boxe.
4. You cringe when someone refers to MMA as "ultimate fighting".
5. You won't wear TapouT or Affliction shirts because of all the tools who wear them.
6. You used to rent UFC VHS tapes 10-15 years ago.
7. You remember the old UFC video games and how bad they were.
8. The mention of "Art Jimmerson" makes you burst out in laughter.
9. Your cable bill is always unreasonably high.
10. You think Dana White is an asshole, but love him.
11. You quote MMA betting odds.
12. You've tried Gordon Biersch, Mickey's and XYIENCE energy drinks.
13. You read Bloody Elbow, MMA Junkie, MMA Mania, Sherdog, Fightlinker, Cage Potato, Five Ounces Of Pain and MMA Weekly every day.
14. You like Max Kellerman because he is the only boxing guy who respects MMA.
15. You put your friends/girlfriend/family members in submissions.
16. 1/2 of your wardrobe was bought from MMA Warehouse.
17. You know Cro Cop's last name.
18. You constantly have to explain who Shinya Aoki and "King Mo" are.
19. You are glad Kimbo is gone.
20. You know that Fedor Emelianenko and Anderson Silva can beat up anyone on Earth.
21. You are constantly defending Joe Rogan.
22. You immediatelty don't like NFL, WWE or any other imports into MMA until they prove themselves.
23. You hate post fight interviews.
24. WEC is the best part of your Wednesday night.
25. Annual New Year's Eve MMA events are more important than the superbowl.
26. You wish legitimate MMA websites would get credentialed by the UFC.
27. You respect Nate Quarry.
28. You remember the day Evan Tanner and Charles "Mask" Lewis died.
29. You get excited when MMA bloggers post their predictions for upcoming events.
30. You've typed "WAR ANDERSON SILVA" at least once in your life.
Just something to give you a laugh on this Friday morning. Maybe some of these will bring back memories. Enjoy your Friday, the weekend and UFC 97.
The FanPosts are solely the subjective opinions of Bloody Elbow readers and do not necessarily reflect the views of Bloody Elbow editors or staff.
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Here’s a couple from my personal archive of experience:
51. When at a party and someone swings at you in anger, instead of punching them, you “judo toss” them into a refridgerator
52. When running late at night on a bike trail and someone attacks you for your wallet, you subsequently armbar them. The cops laugh all the way to the jail house.
And yes, both things happened to me, and the armbar wasn’t very textbook, but it snapped some punk 17 year old’s arm, so that’s enough for me.
Follow my analysis of all things MMA on BloodyElbow.com
I wasn’t exactly thinking about it when someone just bolts out from a forrest of trees and tackles me. My first thought was… ’does he have a knife?" If not, try to beat his ass. Luckily, when he tackled me, we just rolled into the grass off the trail and it was pretty easy from there, although I was only dabbling in jiu-jitsu at the time.
Follow my analysis of all things MMA on BloodyElbow.com
by Leland Roling on Apr 17, 2009 10:32 AM EDT up reply actions
lol
TWO WAYS YOU KNOW LELAND ROLING IS A BADASS
by Chris Nelson on Apr 17, 2009 10:38 AM EDT up reply actions 2 recs
To be fair, the judo toss was fucking juvenile as hell. I was drunk and it was college, and it was a house party, and it was my apartment with four roommates. Alcohol does dumb shit sometimes.
The whole armbar thing was luck, in my mind. Somehow I snapped this kid’s arm when he tried to rob me late at night on a bike trail, but in all honesty, I don’t understand how. It was like the WORST armbar ever. The only reason it snapped is because the kid had no idea what the hell was going on and just laid there and screamed.
Follow my analysis of all things MMA on BloodyElbow.com
by Leland Roling on Apr 17, 2009 10:42 AM EDT up reply actions
I need to find the Police Blotter article... you'd laugh
Follow my analysis of all things MMA on BloodyElbow.com
by Leland Roling on Apr 17, 2009 10:48 AM EDT up reply actions
Police Blotter article
YOU MUST POST THIS.
"It's like a flying knuckle sandwich." --Rogan
"And many men have eaten it." -- Goldy
by thetakeover on Apr 17, 2009 10:50 AM EDT up reply actions
If I can find it, it’s been a long time. I used to have 3 copies of it. Might be at my Dad’s house. It was funny because the article says something like “Police on scene stated that the attacker’s arm was broken in his attempt to rob the victim of his wallet. The victim attributed his defense to a regiment of jiu-jitsu classes he has been taking.”
Something along those lines, although there was some mention of witnesses hearing screaming, which was the funniest part.
Follow my analysis of all things MMA on BloodyElbow.com
by Leland Roling on Apr 17, 2009 10:57 AM EDT up reply actions
Good Ad
Sounds like a good advertisement for the local gym
You know, it’s one thing to mock the artwork, but it’s really a dick move to show up just to dump on someone’s writing
by Derek Suboticki on Apr 19, 2009 12:52 PM EDT up reply actions
lol that was what i was thinking too. rec'd!
by Anton Tabuena on Apr 17, 2009 10:58 AM EDT up reply actions
If any kids are reading this, don’t do what I did. You might get stabbed. LOL.
I’m a very stubborn individual. I’ve always said that if I ever got carjacked, I’d be screwed. I have a mean temper when it comes to that type of forced authority. My best friend and I have pretty much the same mentality, and he was carjacked in Chicago a few years back. The ensuing hilarity was both insanely retarded and amusingly funny.
He was at a light, side street, kid came up, pulled a gun, put the gun inside the rolled down window in my buddy’s face, and said to get out of the car. My buddy grabbed the guy’s arm and stomped the gas as hard as he could. From what a witness said at the court hearing, my buddy was probably going 65 mph down a side street with a guy hanging out his window. IF ONLY SOMEONE TAPED IT. I didn’t believe my friend at all until he got court papers from the Police to appear to put the kid in prison. I thought it was complete bullshit.
Lesson learned. That was flat out dumb, he could have got shot, but that’s the stupid mentality we have sometimes. I would never do that nowadays, but I don’t know, I don’t like that type of authority in my face.
Follow my analysis of all things MMA on BloodyElbow.com
by Leland Roling on Apr 17, 2009 11:03 AM EDT up reply actions
oh you changed your sig.
luke if you can read this.. make him a special staff member already! haha. :)
by Anton Tabuena on Apr 17, 2009 11:09 AM EDT up reply actions
Yeah, I’ll be shutting down my site this weekend to make the space available for some other projects I have in other arenas.
Follow my analysis of all things MMA on BloodyElbow.com
by Leland Roling on Apr 17, 2009 11:12 AM EDT up reply actions
Dude, you continue to amaze
Always had fantasies like this, but doubt I’d have the balls to try it. “Here’s my wallet sir, enjoy your meth.”
"It's like a flying knuckle sandwich." --Rogan
"And many men have eaten it." -- Goldy
by thetakeover on Apr 17, 2009 10:49 AM EDT up reply actions
Normally, if he had come up to me and acted like had a gun, I’d have given him the $20 in my wallet. This guy fucking TACKLED ME. It was instantaneous. It was like Ray Lewis running at someone full out and you didn’t even see it. I mean, I was completely off my rocker when I hit the ground. I had no time to just give him my wallet. As he tackles me, he’s yelling “GIVE ME YO WALLET!!!”
Follow my analysis of all things MMA on BloodyElbow.com
by Leland Roling on Apr 17, 2009 10:58 AM EDT up reply actions
Gotta work on your takedown defense, son....
(that is an awesome story…glad you broke his arm and didn’t let him get away)
by P4P is a stupid concept on Apr 17, 2009 1:09 PM EDT up reply actions
In all honesty, he could have broken his arm during the tackle. I couldn’t really tell, the adrenaline was insane.
Follow my analysis of all things MMA on BloodyElbow.com
by Leland Roling on Apr 17, 2009 1:56 PM EDT up reply actions
I had similiar experiences
But they consist of nearly the same things. Funniest time was putting a 260 pound 6 foot 8 friend of someone i know into a rear naked choke after having he try to beat on me for 2 minutes, expending all his energy.
Imagine a town with 4 colleges, 2 re-located Chicago projects, and a homeless problem. That’d be my city, in the heart of farm country in Illinois. The biggest problem is that I used to live on the outskirts in a supposedly nice neighborhood, but what happened was that the bike trail is like 10 miles long, and as you get out toward the edge of town, all the beautiful college girls getting their workout going are basically out in the middle of nowhere.
It used to be bad. Girls would get tackled and near raped, a couple girls got killed, and almost everyone out there past 8 PM was at risk of robbery or being beaten in gang initiations. It’s nuts for such a small city. All that changed however. Someone went running at like 11 PM with a 9mm and shot 3 young boys who were basically hoodlums. It ended up deterring a lot of that type of stuff, although now there is a high rate of bank robberies and random beatings in store parking lots by 16-18 year old juveniles.
The bar scene is pretty nuts now too. A guy got stabbed outside a country western bar a couple of weeks ago, and robberies happen quite frequently because the downtown area is historic, lot of dark alleys for people to hide and stick you up at gunpoint.
Follow my analysis of all things MMA on BloodyElbow.com
by Leland Roling on Apr 17, 2009 5:06 PM EDT up reply actions
Also, I once witnessed a full out police department in full riot gear after bar closing. I used to live downtown in the bar district in my younger days in a loft, great place, but the bars closing was incredibly nuts. It was like Mardi Gras in the streets with gang fighting. I had to leave my building because of tear gas rising up.
Follow my analysis of all things MMA on BloodyElbow.com
by Leland Roling on Apr 17, 2009 5:08 PM EDT up reply actions
Rec'd
This was awesome, good work. Hell yeah I’m a hardcore MMA fan
#4, hell yeah I cant stand that. I agree with all except #23, I like post fight interviews. :)
Mike Goldberg: "You know Joe, When Matt and his brother Mark Hughes were growing up, they would pound each other behind the barn."
Thanks. I don’t know…nothing good really comes from those interviews. They always come off kind of uncomfortable, especially when they are asked to talk everyone through the fight.
25. Annual New Year’s Eve MMA events are more important than the superbowl.
Would’nt it be awesome if UFC did a huge event like they’re doing for UFC 100 every year? Kinda like UFC/MMA’s version of Wrestlemania?
UFC MMANIA!
Mike Goldberg: "You know Joe, When Matt and his brother Mark Hughes were growing up, they would pound each other behind the barn."
by xFenixKnightx on Apr 17, 2009 10:43 AM EDT up reply actions
"Talk us through the fight ..."
“I was using my jab and - ooh! Oh yeah! That’s real nice! You see that! Jiu-jistsu 101! I’d like to thank my jiu-jitsu coach, my sponsors, my team for getting me in shape …”
"It's like a flying knuckle sandwich." --Rogan
"And many men have eaten it." -- Goldy
by thetakeover on Apr 17, 2009 10:52 AM EDT up reply actions
I just did that at a wedding last weekend. They had the groomsmen come out to sandstorm. I think three people in the place got it.
"Japan is half-Machida" - iiowyn
The rest were pretty upset about being kneed in the face.
"Japan is half-Machida" - iiowyn
by Day Man on Apr 17, 2009 1:23 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
ba dum ching!
Mike Goldberg: "You know Joe, When Matt and his brother Mark Hughes were growing up, they would pound each other behind the barn."
by xFenixKnightx on Apr 17, 2009 1:27 PM EDT up reply actions
lol…. yeah, they really need a new intro.
by P4P is a stupid concept on Apr 17, 2009 1:53 PM EDT up reply actions
31 You are aware of WAMMA’s existence
32 You hate Lyoto Machida
33 You love Lyoto Machida
34 You have measured something in Chois
Keep firing Assholes!
I like to measure things in Minowa Dropkicks… For instance…
“HOW AWESOME WAS THAT FIGHT LAST NIGHT?”
“Roughly 3 1/2 Minowa Dropkicks”
Follow my analysis of all things MMA on BloodyElbow.com
by Leland Roling on Apr 17, 2009 10:43 AM EDT up reply actions
Haha
I usually use “Hermes Franca haymakers” as a unit of measurement
I don't own a single MMA t-shirt except a Team Lloyd Irvin shirt
But this one is hilarious:
15. You put your friends/girlfriend/family members in submissions.
I have GSPs Silverstar walkout shirt, Babalus Affliction shirt, 1 Extreme Couture and one UFC shirt.
Theres no shame in wearing MMA gear, especially if they’re from your fav fighters. The new Anderson Silva ‘Spider’ shirt looks sweet as hell!
Mike Goldberg: "You know Joe, When Matt and his brother Mark Hughes were growing up, they would pound each other behind the barn."
by xFenixKnightx on Apr 17, 2009 10:56 AM EDT up reply actions
yeah i dont own mma shirts too.
deathskulls and bones arent my thing. haha.
by Anton Tabuena on Apr 17, 2009 11:00 AM EDT up reply actions
Not all MMA shirts have skulls and bones on them.
Mike Goldberg: "You know Joe, When Matt and his brother Mark Hughes were growing up, they would pound each other behind the barn."
by xFenixKnightx on Apr 17, 2009 11:17 AM EDT up reply actions
Very true
Very true…some have swords and wings
They’re good enough for some of your fav fighters but not good enough for you eh? Wish I could be in this elite club lol. I doubt all mma fighters get paid for wearing a mma gear outside of their mma life. They like them as well, guess they’re douches too…
Mike Goldberg: "You know Joe, When Matt and his brother Mark Hughes were growing up, they would pound each other behind the barn."
by xFenixKnightx on Apr 17, 2009 11:35 AM EDT up reply actions
I get free T’s from my job here too but it doesn’t mean I wear them.
If GLAAD gave you a free shirt would you wear it? :P
Mike Goldberg: "You know Joe, When Matt and his brother Mark Hughes were growing up, they would pound each other behind the barn."
by xFenixKnightx on Apr 17, 2009 11:48 AM EDT up reply actions
From a person who only wears free t-shirt (most of which are from the red cross), yes I would wear a GLAAD t-shirt.
lol, ok
Mike Goldberg: "You know Joe, When Matt and his brother Mark Hughes were growing up, they would pound each other behind the barn."
by xFenixKnightx on Apr 17, 2009 12:04 PM EDT up reply actions
Don't Mind
I like most MMA shirts…anything that is creative and good looking I’ll buy. It is just tough to see some of the people who wear the Affliction and TapouT shirts…you don’t want to be identified with those people…ya know?
Like these super cool guys?
:D
But yeah I agree anything that is creative and good looking I’ll buy too. I just happen to absolutely hate the Tapout logo anyway so I never buy their stuff.
Mike Goldberg: "You know Joe, When Matt and his brother Mark Hughes were growing up, they would pound each other behind the barn."
by xFenixKnightx on Apr 17, 2009 12:17 PM EDT up reply actions
I have a shirt that says “My other shirt has a skull on it.”
If you're gonna be dumb, ya gotta be tough.
by ThatGuyOverThere on Apr 17, 2009 1:05 PM EDT up reply actions
one from my list – you loved the days of early UFC style VS style fights: boxing vs BJJ, Judo vs BJJ, Kung-fu VS shootfighting etc
another: watching Gary Goodridge club a man into dreamland via elbow all while apparently a “Tang Soo Do” fighter. Hilarious.
Gatti. Dekkers. Pele. Aoki. Kang. Vanderlei.
http://theworldsoldestsport.blogspot.com/
by theworldsoldestsport on Apr 17, 2009 10:45 AM EDT reply actions
Wait ...
15. You put your friends/girlfriend/family members in submissions.
Have you been hiding in my bedroom closet?
"It's like a flying knuckle sandwich." --Rogan
"And many men have eaten it." -- Goldy
lol Family BBQs
Rear naked chokes and guillotines are everywhere :P
Mike Goldberg: "You know Joe, When Matt and his brother Mark Hughes were growing up, they would pound each other behind the barn."
by xFenixKnightx on Apr 17, 2009 10:50 AM EDT up reply actions
35.
you believe you have better ground skills than someone who does not watch mma with no formal training yourself
-me
"All I guarantee is Violence" - Wand
Haha
I bet I could make 185, Bring it on Silva!
Follow my analysis of all things MMA on BloodyElbow.com
by Leland Roling on Apr 17, 2009 11:05 AM EDT up reply actions
Agreed
I say that to people all the time.
“I’m looking to lose some weight, Eric”
“Alright…well what are you looking for. Do you wanna cut to Welterweight or just Middleweight”
lol!
Mike Goldberg: "You know Joe, When Matt and his brother Mark Hughes were growing up, they would pound each other behind the barn."
by xFenixKnightx on Apr 17, 2009 11:35 AM EDT up reply actions
lol, this is me.
If I want to work really hard, I could make 170
by GroundNPound561 on Apr 17, 2009 3:52 PM EDT up reply actions
36. When you hear the name Yushin Okami you immediately curse and demand that Dana White give him his title shot
37. You know the fighter and his opponent in the infamous “I shat my pants” fight
38. You critique Gina Carano’s take down defense over staring at her boobs
lol, it does though.
Mike Goldberg: "You know Joe, When Matt and his brother Mark Hughes were growing up, they would pound each other behind the barn."
by xFenixKnightx on Apr 17, 2009 11:57 AM EDT up reply actions
LOL, I must not be as hardcore as I thought. I really can’t stand it either. Sorry Chris. lol
Follow my analysis of all things MMA on BloodyElbow.com
by Leland Roling on Apr 17, 2009 12:23 PM EDT up reply actions
I used to have a 15-20 minute walk from the subway to my BJJ school and would just play “Baka Survivor” and “Guerreiro” by Curumin over and over and over.
by Chris Nelson on Apr 17, 2009 11:54 AM EDT up reply actions
500. You are leaving on a trip tomorrow and there is a big snowstorm in Colorado and you hope it delays your flight a day so you can watch UFC 97.
If you're not submitting, you're just rolling around with another guy.
72. You correct Game Stop employees on the revised release date for the UFC: Undisputed Demo.
That's great, but how does it affect Lyoto Machida?
Guilty
Mike Goldberg: "You know Joe, When Matt and his brother Mark Hughes were growing up, they would pound each other behind the barn."
by xFenixKnightx on Apr 17, 2009 12:18 PM EDT up reply actions
40. While on a business trip to Arizona, you tell your team they can leave work early so you can go find Arizona Combat Sports, take pictures, and send them to your boys back home.
by P4P is a stupid concept on Apr 17, 2009 12:50 PM EDT reply actions
31. You get furious when you hear someone say MMA sucks, boxing is better.
32. You get insanely furious when you hear someone say MMA is not a real sport.
Mike Goldberg: "You know Joe, When Matt and his brother Mark Hughes were growing up, they would pound each other behind the barn."
You loudly proclaim how most sports are dumb, but defend MMA as a “way of life”.
Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try Again. Fail again. Fail better. -Samuel Beckett
by Scott C. Broussard on Apr 17, 2009 2:07 PM EDT reply actions
56. You spend hrs searching on the internet for 20mins worth of fights that happened in Japan last night.
57. You don’t fast forward thru any of the Japanese broadcasted fights despite the language barrier.
58. You know exactly what Bas Rutten will say when a fighter gasses.
59. At this point you hate anything Larry Merchant, Jim Lampley, or Bob O’Reilly have to say about MMA.
A nice chunk of these could have been on a list titled “Ways You Know You Are A Tool.”
Bolts from the Blue // "Game over." - Jamal Williams
Bloody Elbow // "Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats." - H.L. Mencken
How about this one
You listen to “Enae Volare Mezzo” by Era (Fedor’s Pride entrance theme song) when you are working out because it pumps you up so much to think about Fedor walking to the ring about to pound someone
by GroundNPound561 on Apr 17, 2009 3:59 PM EDT reply actions
LOL
Seriously this had me cracking up this morning. I loved the submitting Friends/GF/Family members one, It’s very true.
And the comments are hilarious as well
Rec’d!
15.2 – When you say you saw a submission on a MMA event last night and you wanna try it. Suddenly – girlfriend/wife/brother/friendsflatmates up and leave the room.
- You get really pissed when your wife/girlfriend/friends/family plans a vacation on a UFC weekend..
- You dont go on said vacation
- You get pissed at your wife/girlfriend/friends/family for not understanding that it is a huge MMA event..
Can't believe I only just got to reading this...
60. You know all Brazilian fighters nicknames or real names (depending on which is most commonly used).
61. …and/or you know that they’re the same person (wrong use example; “Hey, is Palhares ever going to fight Toquinho? That would be an awesome fight!”).
62. You are a total snob about who you allow to watch fights with you, because you hate hearing idiots say “Just take him down!”, “Just punch his face!”, “Do the submission!” or “Stand them up!” mere seconds after a succesful takedown.
63. You accurately recognize various guards and mounts, rather than saying “on top of/underneath him”.
64. Your girlfriend/wife knows to make other plans at least one Saturday a month, or has broken up with you on account of it.
65. ….or one of your major criteria in a potential girlfriend is her tolerance for, or mild interest in, MMA.
66. ….or your list of hottest celebrities includes Rachelle Leah, Arianny Celeste, Gina Carano, Kyra Gracie, etc.
67. You own 5 oz gloves, whether or not you actually train in MMA (= everyone I know that watches MMA, about half of which do not).
68. You’ve gone to local MMA shows and fucking loved them, no matter how poor the quality of talent.
69. You write fanposts while someone else is paying you for your time.
70. You fucking hate the gladiator and shitty nu-metal song at the beginning of UFC broadcasts, but it still somehow makes you feel good like an old terrible pop-song your girl likes that makes you think of good times you’ve had.
71. You’re territorial about fighters that have come from your area. (Notably from BE, myself with MN and BJJDenver with………. Cleveland, if I remember.)
I poop rainbows.
You own 5 oz gloves, whether or not you actually train in MMA
lmao
Mike Goldberg: "You know Joe, When Matt and his brother Mark Hughes were growing up, they would pound each other behind the barn."
by xFenixKnightx on Apr 18, 2009 6:49 PM EDT up reply actions
69. You write fanposts while someone else is paying you for your time.
hahahahha
66. ….or your list of hottest celebrities includes Rachelle Leah, Arianny Celeste, Gina Carano, Kyra Gracie, etc.
and logan!
by Anton Tabuena on Apr 18, 2009 8:54 PM EDT up reply actions
well she’d be the first name on my list. and i’d be okay to stop with just one hot celebrity..
by Anton Tabuena on Apr 18, 2009 9:36 PM EDT up reply actions
CO F***King signed!
17. You know Cro Cop’s last name.
18. You constantly have to explain who Shinya Aoki and “King Mo” are.
19. You are glad Kimbo is gone.
20. You know that Fedor Emelianenko and Anderson Silva can beat up anyone on Earth.
You have to beat the legend, in order to become the LEGEND
-Melvin Manhoef (after his destruction of Sakuraba)
by chopstickthugz on Apr 18, 2009 10:09 PM EDT reply actions
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