The Week in Quotes: February 14th-20th

by Mike Fagan on Feb 21, 2009 11:50 AM EST in News Comment 30 comments

YOU CAN'T SUSPEND ME, BRO. DON'T YOU KNOW WHO I AM?

"I've got to come back (in March), and if they take my money and [heavily] fine me, I won't make it until the end of the year. It's that bad for me with income. If they won't level with me, it's going to be pretty hard for me." - Karo Parisyan, who recently tested positive for a painkiller version of a Long Island Iced Tea. (Cage Potato)

"I'm just going to tell them, 'Listen, I'm sorry.' I had a prescription for one pain pill; the other I didn't have a prescription for. I have a very high resistance to pain pills, and I took some. I'm sorry." - Parisyan, look he had a prescription, bro!

"This is the only way I have to support my family. If I don't fight, I'm going to be homeless by the end of the year." - Parisyan. Maybe you should, I don't know, get a fucking job, bro.

"I'm going to try to get married in August. If I don't fight and I get fined, my entire year — everything I was supposed to do — will just go down the toilet. Between my marriage and my house, I'll lose everything if you take my money away." - Parisyan, keep it together, bro.

A GOOD EXAMPLE FOR YOUNG FIGHTERS

"No, I was helping Matt Lindland get ready to fight Vitor Belfort, so I’ve only been focused on Demian Maia for the last couple of weeks." - Uncrowned WEC middleweight champion Chael Sonnen, showing the mark of a true professional. You at least found some good jiu-jitsu guys to work with, right? (Cage Potato)

"I didn’t bring anybody in, just the guys at [Team] Quest. The same guys I always work out with." - Sonnen. Oh. God, you're an idiot.

DANA WHITE IS SLIGHTLY AMUSED

"You’re shitting me, right?" - UFC President Dana White, after hearing Chael Sonnen believes him and Demian Maia are the two best middleweights in the world. (Yahoo)

"Chael Sonnen really said that? And he was serious? OK. Whatever. I’ve heard everything now. More power to him, I guess." - White

...AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT

"Guys will push the envelope in every way possible. Vaseline has always been an issue in MMA. It's a real problem." - Legendary referee John McCarthy, adding his thoughts on GreaseGate. (Cage Potato)

"You can't notice it when they're dry, but when they get on the ground and start to sweat, it starts to come out of their pores." - McCarthy, shedding light on fighters taking mineral and soapy baths before fights.

LOOK AT ALL THE YOUTUBE HITS

"Especially since I fought some fat guy, out of shape, no good, and it got over 300,000 hits on YouTube, OK?" - Former UFC champion Ken Shamrock, explaining why he can still be successful on pay-per-view. (Cage Potato)

FROM THE LAND OF "SIT ON A DONG"

"Yeah it went from an email, to a text to a friend of the camp. I think next it will be a fax, and then it'll probably be a bird that delivered a telegram to him from a roommate's brother's dog's owner's sister." - Kenny Florian laughing off allegations he tipped B.J. Penn's camp about Georges St. Pierre's extracurriculars. (Fighters Only)

"People have tried that on me in the past, but what they don't know is that they're playing checkers and I'm playing chess." - Florian, self-proclaimed master of psychological warfare.

WHITE NOISE

"He said he’s ready to come back. He wants to come back in the UFC and he’d love to fight in Germany." - Dana White commenting on the possible return of Mirko Filipovic. (Fighters Only)

"I'm sure they're going to put on some good shows, and hopefully, they can make that business model work for them. I've got nothing negative to say about them whatsoever." - White, on the rise of Strikeforce. (USA Today)

PARTING SHOTS

"Yes, I will fight again on the next Affliction card. Besides this, me and my management hope to get a chance to talk to Dana White in person in June to discuss a possible fight between me and Brock (Lesnar)." - WAMMA heavyweight champion Fedor Emelianenko (Dream Fighters)

"I want to be the champ so bad, if you throw a baseball bat in that Octagon for my opponent to use and beat me with, I’m going to keep fighting and try to win the fight." - Wilson Gouveia, who would get beaten worse than that chick and the chimp. (But not really because chimps are fucking brutal.) (Cage Potato)

"It was the worst experience of my goddamned life." - Don Frye, on his time as a coach in the IFL. (Sherdog)

"I got to thinking, what if you weren’t happy with the way things were going in an arm wrestling match? What if you could just reach across the table and punch the other guy in the face?" - "Brain child" of XARM Art Davie, explaining the brilliance of his creation. (MMA Payout)

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Comments

I love how Don Frye is always beating around the bush and rarely just gets right to the point.

Excellent work as always, Choi’d!

If you're not submitting, you're just rolling around with another guy.

by BJJDenver on Feb 21, 2009 12:03 PM EST reply actions 0 recs

Karo Parisyan, who recently tested positive for a painkiller version of a Long Island Iced Tea, bro.

Fixed it for you.

A man should never waste an opportunity to keep his mouth shut.

by iiowyn on Feb 21, 2009 12:16 PM EST reply actions 0 recs

I don't understand how people can be fans of Karo when he says shit like this.

I know he’s still young, and that he just seems older because he’s been fighting since he was like 16, but c’mon. Have much of a sense of entitlement.

“Well, I just happened to take a pain pill I didn’t have a prescription for.” Well, that’s against the law. You’re lucky to not get cited and have a criminal record. But you are going to get suspended and fined.

What’s the old saying? Can’t do the time …?

Although detractors decry (MMA) as a brutal, bloody form of human cockfighting, aficionados know it is a brutal, bloody, totally fucking awesome form of human cockfighting. -The Onion

by The Kittitas Kid on Feb 21, 2009 12:19 PM EST reply actions 0 recs

You don’t know who he is bro? Don’t you know who he is?

by soadtrails on Feb 21, 2009 12:41 PM EST up reply actions 0 recs

I wonder how hard Nate Diaz laughed when he heard the Karo news

by soadtrails on Feb 21, 2009 12:40 PM EST reply actions 0 recs

Listen Bro, i will give you best deal bro, techno is best music, bro!! fuckin Armenians hahah

by Chuntsman949 on Feb 21, 2009 1:00 PM EST reply actions 0 recs

I’m not a fan of Karo, but, I feel for him. Sounds like he’s on the edge of completely falling apart. I hope he can get it together.

by jrobb20 on Feb 21, 2009 1:33 PM EST reply actions 0 recs

I personally have very short patience for people who put themselves in bad situations and refuse to take responsibility.

http://www.sackmikegoldberg.com

by Mike Fagan on Feb 21, 2009 2:00 PM EST up reply actions 0 recs

Doesn’t Karo have his own gym in north hollywood that provides income?

by Day Man on Feb 21, 2009 3:50 PM EST up reply actions 0 recs

Chimps are fucking brutal. There was an orangutan-sumo wrestler tug-of-war match on TV when I was a kid, and the thing literally stood there while this 500 lb guy just drove backwards and then bent its arms and send the dude flying. Scary shit.

by subo on Feb 21, 2009 2:24 PM EST reply actions 0 recs

The hospital the woman was taken to is giving its employees therapy sessions for the damage the chimp did to the lady. That is fucking brutal.

http://www.sackmikegoldberg.com

by Mike Fagan on Feb 21, 2009 2:47 PM EST up reply actions 0 recs

I feel bad for the chimp, to be honest. It wasn’t his fault, it was the trainers fault. Yet the chimp dies for it.

It is pretty crazy if you think about it. This chimp liked watching TV and surfing the net, and like steak and wine LOL. It was almost like a real fucking person.

But when he felt like master was threatened, he went, for lack of a better word, ape-shit. The years of training it had didn’t mean jack-shit when it came down to animal instincts. And the crazy thing is that the ape has done this to a person before, so it’s not like this was some fluke thing.

People need to stop trying to treat animals like people. A chimp is very close to a real person, but they can still flip the fuck out. And that’s not even adding in the fact that she supposedly gave the chimp a Xanex in the moments leading up to it, which supposedly made the ape go even crazier.

by AA'sFlyingKnee on Feb 21, 2009 3:03 PM EST up reply actions 0 recs

As Chris Rock once said with regards to the tiger that attacked Roy…that tiger didn’t go crazy. That tiger went tiger.

http://www.sackmikegoldberg.com

by Mike Fagan on Feb 21, 2009 4:47 PM EST up reply actions 0 recs

Fun fact, On the news they said a 150 pound chip is 3-7 times stronger than a similar sized human. F chimps.

by Dropkick434 on Feb 21, 2009 7:25 PM EST up reply actions 0 recs

Another damn travesty where animals pay for stupid peoples’ mistakes.

A man should never waste an opportunity to keep his mouth shut.

by iiowyn on Feb 21, 2009 7:33 PM EST up reply actions 0 recs

That was utterly stupid indeed. I’m assuming that the bear was in a zoo, so, they could’ve easily had the bear observed if it had rabies which could’ve saved the poor animal’s life.

by Johann on Feb 21, 2009 8:23 PM EST up reply actions 0 recs

It was in a park, the mother helped the child over the first barriers keeping people from getting to the fence. There were two bears, they didn’t know which one bit the child, and rather than give the kid some uncomfortable treatments for a possible rabies infection, they killed the bears to check their brains for it.

A man should never waste an opportunity to keep his mouth shut.

by iiowyn on Feb 21, 2009 8:32 PM EST up reply actions 0 recs

I see. Still, there are better options than the ones they chose.

by Johann on Feb 21, 2009 8:51 PM EST up reply actions 0 recs

I wanted to smack the shit out of that mother, it was entirely her damn fault for the situation.

A man should never waste an opportunity to keep his mouth shut.

by iiowyn on Feb 22, 2009 1:27 AM EST up reply actions 0 recs

What Just Happened?

How can they shoot the dog!?!

I mean hallelujah that they shot Sean Penn, but come on, the dog? It’s an outrage I tell you!

Did I forget to mention that it’s racist also that they killed a chimp. Cops should be suspended. Holder should resign also for encouraging people to talk about it. He’s definitely going to be responsible for the demise of the New York Post, (or was that the internet?)

If you missed the hint in the title of this post that this whole post is satire, well then go rent a new DVD release.

by natyong on Feb 21, 2009 8:58 PM EST up reply actions 0 recs

I remember watching a documentary on chimps…chimp territory wars are damn brutal, makes most gangs look tame.

A man should never waste an opportunity to keep his mouth shut.

by iiowyn on Feb 21, 2009 7:28 PM EST up reply actions 0 recs

Yeah. I saw one too and it was hardcore as hell!

by Johann on Feb 21, 2009 8:25 PM EST up reply actions 0 recs

The woman who owned the Chimp should have always had a tranquilizer gun close at hand.

Is the woman still alive?

by J_Maddux on Feb 21, 2009 3:52 PM EST reply actions 0 recs

Note to all fighters:
DO NOT TAKE DRUGS!
Simple.
D

by qwerty2323 on Feb 21, 2009 8:04 PM EST reply actions 0 recs

M’kay?

A man should never waste an opportunity to keep his mouth shut.

by iiowyn on Feb 21, 2009 8:12 PM EST up reply actions 0 recs

Absolutely everyone has rules relating to work that if broken could cost you your job or land you in jail. It isn’t the big bad athletic commision taking Karo’s money, it’s his stupid decisions that broke well known rules that fighters must abide by.

by Dropkick434 on Feb 21, 2009 8:07 PM EST reply actions 0 recs

But bro, do you know who I am bro?

by Riney on Feb 21, 2009 8:29 PM EST up reply actions 0 recs

soadtoads and you made me laugh! Thanks.

by natyong on Feb 21, 2009 8:59 PM EST up reply actions 0 recs

There's a lot of gold in this thread

What the heck are all of the comments about chimps about?

You dudes are smokin some whacky weed tonight.

by dohfil on Feb 21, 2009 10:48 PM EST reply actions 0 recs

I was wondering that myself, but then I said what the heck and posted also!

Here I’ll redeem myself and post 2 questions from a Steve Mazzigatti Interview. One that everybody should care about and one really long one that relates McCarthy’s greasing quotes:

What are your thoughts on the GSP-BJ Penn vaseline controversy?
A couple of years ago Big John and some others started talking about checking out the guys before they got in the ring. As the sport evolved we realized some of the guys were using substances to make themselves slippery so we actually started stood cageside without gloves and check behind their ears, grab their necks, their armpits and their thighs. One time another ref grabbed a guys tape he had around his ankles and vaseline came out. If a guy would’ve got a heel hook they would’ve slipped right out.

We make sure they clip their fingernails like we asked them to in the back. They have to have their cup and mouthpiece. The inspectors here in Nevada who wear the maroon jackets, I think they wear black in California. They are ring inspectors and they make sure that the guys aren’t drinking sports enhancing drinks in between rounds or they don’t grease the guys. They can have it around the eyebrows, cheeks, and nose. I guess someone else decided to put it somewhere else. It’s part of the game. The inspectors caught it and they tried to wipe it off with a towel but I don’t think that does that much good. I can tell you this whoever did it is going to be in trouble.

I was a trainer. Trainers are always looking for an advantage for their fighters. We just had a high profile match here in Vegas where a trainer tried to slip a cast like material in to his handwrap. It’s been going on for years. I remember back in Ali’s day when he fought Frazier he came in and he was about knocked out and Angelo Dundee ripped his glove open so he got time to change gloves.

It’s funny if you lose mouthpieces and a fighter gets three minutes to find it and put it back in. Losing your mouthpiece is a foul. We tell them in the back the mouthpiece is your responsibility. If you lose it it’s a foul. I tell the guys in the back if you knock their mouthpiece out as long as you don’t give them a null in the action he’s got to work himself through whatever got him on the ground and knocked his mouthpiece out. The fighter who is the aggressor has to back up a few steps and let him put the mouthpiece back in. That’s a null in the action, time out, boom, put it back in. A good ref won’t stop it when there is a flurry or an exchange and try to put it in. It shouldn’t affect the fight.

One last question, when are you going to bring the mustache back?
I am thinking after winter, with snowboarding and winter sports. All the water gets attracted to it. A mustache is a lot of weight on your shoulders.

by natyong on Feb 22, 2009 12:24 AM EST up reply actions 0 recs