I'M BIGGER THAN JESUS

"In my opinion, these are the two best guys fighting right now, me and Maia." - Uncrowned WEC middleweight champ Chael Sonnen making liberal use of the word "best." (USA Today)

"I think whoever wins this fight is the best middleweight in the UFC." - Sonnen.  Only if a plane carrying Anderson Silva, Michael Bisping, Nate Marquardt, Dan Henderson, and Yushin Okami crashed into a mountainside.  And even then, it's a stretch.

"I think I'm better than Anderson and I think Demian's better than Anderson; I think we would both beat him." - Sonnen, who meant in a handicap match.

"Anderson Silva has gone on record and said, 'I can't beat Paulo Filho.' Anderson's manager went on record saying he can't beat Paulo Filho. And Paulo Filho went on record as saying, 'Anderson can't beat me.''" - Sonnen, I'll go ahead and say Anderson Silva can beat Paulo Filho. Someone book my action.

"I defeated Paulo Filho." - Sonnen, who picked up Filho's religous fervor.

DON'T YOU KNOW WHO HE IS, BRO?

"I told (the commission) ‘listen, by the way, if pain pills come positive, I have prescription, I told you.' They said, ‘no problem, as long as you have a prescription for it, and it's like a pain pill, it's not a big deal.'" - Karo Parisyan, who thinks a prescription is like having a golden ticket. (MMA Weekly)

"I mean, I wasn't back there, but that's nothing we'd say." - NSAC Executive Chief Keith Kizer playing the part of Willy Wonka.

"I did not even think about any of that stuff. I was just thinking about my fight, and my anxiety and how I'm going to walk in the cage. I had so many problems in my head. I didn't even think I should write - I was just doing it fast, fast, fast, just to get out there and weigh in and fight. I completely forgot about all this stuff." - Parisyan.  I definitely believe that the notion that he might test positive for the OPIUM COCKTAIL he was putting into his body just the day prior completely slipped his mind.  Bro.

"I even told the main guy. He said, ‘Karo, as long as you didn't take anabolic drugs, or cocaine, or any of that crazy stuff, you should be fine as long as you've got the prescription.'" - Parisyan, he even told the main guy, bro!

THE PROBLEM?  NOT ENOUGH LIVER SHOTS.

"I stopped training Kimbo." - Former King of Pancrase Bas Rutten (MMA Fanhouse)

"I had him six weeks before the last fight, I talked to him about certain things that I didn't like, and he promised never to do it again, and then he started doing it again." - Rutten, was it too many "Dutch Ovens?"

BRING ME THE HEAD OF KENFLO

"Kenny Florian is a punk-ass bitch." - Josh Barnett, tell us how you really feel. (Tapout Live)

"He thinks he can put on a suit, shave his stubble off, and get in front of a camera, and it makes him some sort of expert on MMA." - Barnett sounding like a certain world wide leader passed him over for a certain on-air position.

"I think it just makes him an expert on taking it up the ass, as far as I can tell." - Barnett, who has an interesting Gaydar.

"I can fly out to 'sit on a dong,' grab him, and see what he's got to say now." - Barnett, just never mind the 100 pounds I have on him.

ALSO BRING ME THE HEAD OF KENFLO

"Oh, that's funny, he's going to tristar? He actually emailed me and tipped me off." - UFC lightweight champ B.J. Penn accusing Kenny Florian of being two faced. (Rear Naked)

"I’ve never emailed a fighter about anything like that. I don’t even have B.J. Penn’s email. I’d love to see that email. I would say print that email and show it to everybody. Where’s this mystery email?" - Florian (Sherdog)

"Kenny if you're going to call me a liar on stuff I'm going to call you out. You're right it was not an email, you texted someone in the camp and told them that GSP is a big roider and big greaser to watch out for him. Kenny, I'm just calling a spade a spade." - Penn, who should consider covering himself with syrup before fights. (BJPenn.com)

IF YOU CAN'T BEAT 'EM, JOIN 'EM (OR LOOK HILARIOUS TRYING)

"About three weeks before that I get a call from coach he says 'what do you think about Mike Whitehead coming to train with us Jackson's Gym? Well he wants to be part of the team, he's sick of it over at Couture's'. And now after the fight he says this." - UFC light heavyweight champ Rashad Evans, referring to harsh comments Mike Whitehead made after UFC 92. (Cage Writer)

"Mike Whitehead is probably one of the toughest dudes you'll ever meet in the practice room. If he ever learns how to turn that practice room hero into a real fighter he'll be the truth." - Evans, oh snap!

WHITE NOISE

"We'll definitely, definitely be in Montreal, no doubt about it. This fight sold out faster than the last one." - UFC president Dana White, in response to Quebec's sudden lack of rules for mixed martial arts. (Cage Writer)

"I don't believe in the Japanese philosophy, let's throw him in there and get him fucking murdered like Sakuraba." - White offering Satoshi Ishii a long, healthy life. (MMA Weekly)

"Well, yeah, I'm going to hold on to him, I've got a contract with him. But if he comes back and tells me I want to take this lottery ticket, I'll give it to him." - White, surprisingly benevolent.

PARTING SHOTS

"Last week when I got to Florida, I was in the elevator with Robbie, I said "Robbie did you hear about GSP?" He said, "No, I don’t know what you’re talking about." I then said that BJ accused him of being slippery, Robbie looked right up at me and said, "That’s what you said after Anaheim."" - Former UFC welterweight champ Matt Hughes.  A lightbulb went off in Robbie Lawler's head later on in the day when he realized GSP might have greased before. (Matt-Hughes.com)

"CSAC former director, Armando Garcia, was allegedly caught with $350,000 (in cash) in his locker, but he was allowed to resign instead of being prosecuted." - Kimo Leopoldo, shipping some dirt in his quest for the head position in the CSAC.  (News Blaze)

"To me, the major leagues are the WEC." - Takeya Mizugaki praising America's view of MMA as legitimate sport. (Sherdog)