I BROKE MY BACK. MY BACK IS BROKEN.
"I thought I won the first round and I thought I won the second round. I got two takedowns. You see the damage on his face? I got him good." - Former UFC light heavyweight champ Tito Ortiz, upset at the judges' decision of his fight with Forrest Griffin at UFC 106. Everyone knows 30-26 is the only reasonable scoredcard. (Cage Writer)
"In the third round I was gassed. After 18 months off, I want to see another fighter come in after back surgery and do what I did." - Ortiz. It's amazing he was even able to step in the cage. What a warrior.
"I had disc C-7 or C-6 pressing on my spinal cord." - Ortiz, also complained of a "cracked skull" in the post-fight interview with Joe Rogan. (MMA Mania)
"I thought I won. The judge called it 30-27, I mean what the [expletive], are you blind or something?" - Ortiz
"How the [expletive] are you giving him Fight of the Night?" - Ortiz, reacting to Dana White's announcement that Fight of the Night honors went to Josh Koscheck and Anthony Johnson.
"Here we go again. We're back!" - UFC President Dana White. Let the kayfabe roll.
MY WHOLE LIFE HAS BEEN A WASTE - I'VE BEEN A FAILURE
"Karo Parisyan has fucked over the UFC, the fans and his opponent again!!! He will not be fighting" - UFC President Dana White, who also wants you to know that HE DOES NOT WATCH WIZARDS OF WAVERLY PLACE BECAUSE HE IS AN ADULT!!!!!! (Twitter)
"There’s a lot of problems going on. They won’t re-license me unless I (expletive) pay them." - Karo Parisyan. Interestingly enough, NSAC head Keith Kizer said they worked out a payment plan to allow Parisyan to fight. Who would have thought a drug addict would lie about such a thing, bro? (MMA Weekly)
"I had to pay the $32,000 fine in order to fight. I never paid because I never had the money. I don’t know if I’ll be able to come back." - Parisyan
"If I can come into this fight in shape and with a clear mind, I should be able to win this fight decisively." - Parisyan, who was not of clear mind when he made this statement. (UFC.com)
MY INTENTIONS WERE NOT TO FASCINATE THE WORLD WITH MY PERSONALITY
"That being said, antics or not, he is OUR UFC HWT Champion. He beat a future Hall of Famer to keep that belt and he NEEDS our prayers and good thoughts right now." - Heavyweight title contender Shane Carwin. Did he just call Frank Mir a future Hall of Famer? (The Underground Forums)
"Talk of stripping a man of his title due to illness will set this sport back farther then anything Brock has ever said. We need our Champions healthy and defending." - Carwin. Really, Shane? For six months you've waxed endlessly about Brock Lesnar's disrespect to the fans, to the sport, and to his fellow competitors. Now you're going to try and tell me that setting up some sort of interim title will set the sport farther back than the aforementioned "villainous" actions? It's hard to see you up on that high horse, buddy.
I WANT TO THROW DOWN YOUR KID ON STOMP ON HIS TESTICLES
"I had a conversation with Doug Crosby, and he said that during one of the [UFC] fights, one of these boxing people that have come over and started judging MMA. Someone was attempting a submission, and this person turned to him and said, 'What is he doing?' How crazy is that?" - UFC color commentator Joe Rogan. My question is: how widespread is this pandemic? (Sports Illustrated)
"This is a professional mixed martial arts judge at the highest level of the sport, someone who is judging an Ultimate Fighting Championship bout, between two guys that are professional fighters. Their careers are on the line, it's a huge contest, two equally skilled guys in a hotly contested match, and the judge has literally no idea what's going on." - Rogan, finally editorializing in an appropriate environment!
PEOPLE LOVE YOU WHEN YOU'RE SUCCESSFUL, BUT IF YOU'RE NOT, WHO REALLY CARES ABOUT YOU?
"I didn't hit him in the head, I hit him in the arm. I don't know why he would act like [that], I guess he was gassing." - Anthony "Rumble" Johnson, on a whacky series of events in his fight with Josh Koscheck at UFC 106 involving a knee, a hand graze, and, in later pictoral evidence, a poke in the eye. (MMA Mania)
"I thought I timed it perfect but I didn't and that's my fault." - Johnson, on the knee. It was perfectly timed if you wanted to take his head off.
"After him poking me in the eye it made a big difference. Then he did it twice and got both eyes the second time because when he swings, he jabs with his open hand and the right didn't even hit me, it was just the open palm strike and my eyes, my eyes are burning like hell right now." - Johnson, on Koscheck's multiple eye pokes later in the fight. Johnson's already had major surgery to repair damage after multiple eye pokes in his first fight with Kevin Burns.
HE'S NO ALEXANDER! I'M ALEXANDER! I'M THE BEST EVER!
"Nevertheless, when I become a legend, I want to distinguish myself from the aforementioned names and become the greatest among all the legends by becoming the number one in both K-1 and MMA -- in other words, a 'double legend.'" - Strikeforce heavyweight champ Alistair Overeem (Dream Official)
"So it definitely needs to be cut up and looked at. Not maybe by somebody like me, but by somebody who's not favoring one style or one anything." - Marcus Davis, on fixing judging in MMA. Read Bloody Elbow this week, Marcus! (MMA Mania)
"Just because Brock Lesnar is not in the main event doesn’t mean there won’t be great fights. If you’re a fight fan you want great fights. We deliver great fights." - UFC President Dana White, trying to sell UFC 106 any way he can. (MMA Mania)
"The doctor told him he hasn't been right for a year. His immune system has been trying to fight this thing and that's why he was susceptible to getting sick." - White, revealing Lesnar's injury - an infection that burned a hole in his intestine. Lesnar's surgeon commented that a horseshoe was not found "up his ass." (Yahoo)
"I don't see anything different in Forrest Griffin. I see the same weaknesses that he has, you know? He doesn't punch hard." - Tito Ortiz. Pot meet kettle. (Heavy.com)