The Hardcore MMA Fan Classification Project

I am not a MMA fan. I am in fact a sociology professor from Harvard who has spent the last year researching this peculiar subset of sporting fans known as “Hardcores”. Like Jane Goodall with her chimpanzees, I have immersed myself in your society and taken notes as you formed tribes and threw feces at each other to gain dominance. Certain types of “Hardcore” fans tend to attach themselves to their favorite fighters and I have analyzed their tendencies in the body of this report.

 “Brockus Brocklesnarus Lesnarus”

Habitat: Midwest United States

Height: 2m +

Mass: 105kg +

Mating Habits: None Observed

Habits: Breaking Prop Doors

Plumage: Dethklutch

Vocalization: MUR.

Notes: this subspecies can be found primarily defending steroid allegations, and fighting their only competitors, the Fedorianicans.

"Fedorianicanus Emilimencus"

Habitat: Western United States, Japan

Height: 1.6 to 1.9m

Mass: 80 to 90kg

Mating Habits: None Observed

Habits: Learning Russian Online

Plumage: Pride T-Shirt

Vocalization: Pride Never Die!

Notes: The Fedorianicanus Emilimencus is a fascinating subspecies that spends all waking hours coming up with reasons that their man is so good, that he doesn’t even have to fight to prove he’s #1.

"Ureaus Machidus"

Habitat: Eastern United States, Scrabble Clubs

Height: 1.5 to 1.6m

Mass: -70kg

Mating Habits: None Observed

Habits: Mastering the Crand Kick

Plumage: Anime Based

Vocalization: Just Wait! He’s the Best ever in the future!

Notes: The Ureaus Machidus routinely ingests urine to gain it’s ancient Chinese powers. This gives them the power to see into the future when all MMA is Shokotan Karate based and Lyoto Machida is God.

"Gorgeous Saintus Pierrus"

‘abiat: Quebec

‘eight: 1.7m

Mass: 66kg

Mating ‘abits: C'est tres bon, merci.

'abits: Grooming, always grooming

Plumage: Affliction

Vocalizations: Je ne fait pas bonne impression par toi performance.

Notes: extremely virile and good looking with French accents, few females can resist the charms of these Canadians

"Babus Jayus Pennus"

Habitat: Hawaii, Western United States

Height: 1.9 to 2.1m

Mass: 70kg in shape, 77kg out of shape

Mating Habits: None Observed

Habits: Chillaxing

Plumage: Coppertone

Vocalizations: GREASER!!!!!

Notes: This group was blessed with the best tools of any group, but prefers to play hacky sack.

"Brandus Suckus Veritas"

Habitat: Philippines

Mass: 81kg

Height: 1.83m

Mating Habits: None Observed

Habits: Writing Articles for Bloodyelbow

Plumage: Purple and Orange

Vocalizations: visit weoweoweo.deviantart.com! :D

Notes: This group is a critically endangered species, with only one remaining member. After November 15, it is expected to go extinct.