"WAMMA" Unveils New Amazingly Significant Crown and Sceptre

by Luke Thomas on Jan 8, 2009 2:58 PM EST in News Comment 82 comments

The WAMMA crown is a majestic piece of craftsmanship, 8 inches tall and weighing 7.3 pounds. Laced with gold and coated with totally sweet emerald sapphires, it features the WAMMA logo prominently on the front. It truly is a crown fit for a king, and none will be able to deny the lordly status of whomever wears it upon their lofty brow. Last but not least, the WAMMA scepter is a two foot long staff designed by Affection clothing, the leading manufacturer of garish fight lifestyle wear. Emblazoned with gothic crosses, the rod is topped with a life size replica of a Native American skull.

“There are those in the mixed martial arts community who have had a hard time understanding the complex mandate and goal of our organization,” said Chief Operating Officer Michael Lunch. “But now that the WAMMA heavyweight winner will hold the scepter and crown of power, it should be clear to anyone with half a brain that whomever WAMMA declares the champion truly is the ultimate fighting champion.”

The crown and scepter will be revealed to the public during the weigh-ins for Affection’s “Day of Wreckining” event on January 23rd. Attendees will be able to peer through a glass cabinet at the fine craftsmanship of the WAMMA regalia, which will be resting on a scarlet pillow. In addition, fans will have the opportunity to be photographed with a cardboard cutout of WAMMA lightweight champion Shinya Aoki and an artist’s rendition of his belt.

Regal origins? Check. Bling? Check. Lack of coherence or significance? Check.

1 recs | Comment 82 comments |

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Comments

Uhh..

Aren’t they forgetting the throne itself? Sure, it might look a little gaudy in the middle of Stary Oskol but it would fit in with the motif.

by KneeToTheFace on Jan 8, 2009 2:47 PM EST reply actions 0 recs

I know!! And a cape. They should also have any new champion ride out on an elephant.

by MattTil on Jan 8, 2009 2:49 PM EST up reply actions 0 recs

The cape needs to be velvet with gorilla skulls tiled all over it, with snow leopard fur trim.

by KneeToTheFace on Jan 8, 2009 2:59 PM EST up reply actions 0 recs

http://weoweoweo.deviantart.com/

by weoweoweo on Jan 9, 2009 7:10 AM EST up reply actions 0 recs

yes!

by Nick Thomas on Jan 9, 2009 8:57 AM EST up reply actions 0 recs

Before anyone forgets...

…it’s from Fightlinker. Take a deep breath.

I wonder if they’ll get a threatening letter from a highly experienced lawyer with too much time on his hands?

"I'm AJB and I endorse this nut-puncher."

by AJB on Jan 8, 2009 2:49 PM EST reply actions 0 recs

If this is real then this organization is truly a joke. They threaten to sue a message board poster and then they go and do this.

by MattTil on Jan 8, 2009 2:50 PM EST up reply actions 0 recs

It’s satire.

by Luke Thomas on Jan 8, 2009 2:52 PM EST up reply actions 0 recs

But without seeing it tagged with ‘satire’ at the bottom like he does a lot of people here are going to believe it…

by Simco on Jan 8, 2009 3:36 PM EST up reply actions 0 recs

I thought it was real until you pointed out that it was from Fightlinker. Thats a condemnation of WAMMA, that such a ridiculous concept is almost believable.

by Michaelthebox on Jan 8, 2009 3:40 PM EST up reply actions 0 recs

Oh come on

What was almost believable about that?

by FRANKIE on Jan 8, 2009 3:45 PM EST up reply actions 0 recs

a) It’s about WAMMA.

b) fightlinker is very good at this. They do an excellent job of making their stories so that you really have to stop and think about it.

by Phildo on Jan 8, 2009 3:47 PM EST up reply actions 0 recs

They call Affliction “Affection” throughout the whole thing. How much more obvious could they make it?

by FRANKIE on Jan 8, 2009 3:54 PM EST up reply actions 0 recs

I’m not gonna lie, I read it quickly and didn’t even notice until it was pointed out.

After listening to all the nonsense WAMMA has said throughout their history, there’s almost nothing I wouldn’t belive.

by Phildo on Jan 8, 2009 3:57 PM EST up reply actions 0 recs

Same here.

I looked at the headline, thought “fucking WAMMA” and didn’t read the rest of it.

by Michaelthebox on Jan 8, 2009 4:13 PM EST up reply actions 0 recs

I got a real kick out of : “Chief Operating Officer Michael Lunch” and "Day of Wreckining". They are so going to get a nasty E-mail from Lynch :D

by who me on Jan 8, 2009 4:49 PM EST up reply actions 0 recs

lol

by Nick Thomas on Jan 8, 2009 2:49 PM EST reply actions 0 recs

Other rejected ideas for this story:

WAMMA Champion to be awarded “One Ring to rule them All,” settle for normal ring instead.

WAMMA Champion to be awarded that sword He-Man used.

WAMMA Champion to be out of work after January 24th, but at least he’ll have that sweeeeet belt.

"BJ on the BE" - Kierkegaard

by Brett Jones on Jan 8, 2009 2:49 PM EST reply actions 0 recs

That last one was rejected because it’s too likely to be a real story in three weeks.

"I'm AJB and I endorse this nut-puncher."

by AJB on Jan 8, 2009 2:55 PM EST up reply actions 0 recs

When you get all the WAMMA champs together they can summon Caption Planet.

by szucconi on Jan 8, 2009 3:52 PM EST up reply actions 0 recs

“Caption Planet”?

Is that the home of that LOL-cats website?

by Kierkegaard on Jan 8, 2009 3:56 PM EST up reply actions 0 recs

I good joke ruined by spell check. captain planet

by szucconi on Jan 8, 2009 4:01 PM EST up reply actions 0 recs

Besides, I actually laughed at what Caption Planet could be, so I count that as a bonus joke.

"BJ on the BE" - Kierkegaard

by Brett Jones on Jan 8, 2009 4:21 PM EST up reply actions 0 recs

I am the worst speller in the history of people with a degree.

by szucconi on Jan 8, 2009 4:27 PM EST up reply actions 0 recs

Emblazoned with gothic crosses, the rod is topped with a life size replica of a Native American skull

Fucking gold.

by Tonley on Jan 8, 2009 2:50 PM EST reply actions 0 recs

Genius.

by Michaelthebox on Jan 8, 2009 3:41 PM EST up reply actions 0 recs

Is this serious?

I’m not sure what to think. Without the WAMMA name attacked, this smacks of some sort of tongue in cheek joke…but with WAMMA attached its far to easy to think its serious.

by Razreshat on Jan 8, 2009 2:53 PM EST reply actions 0 recs

So each champion gets a crown and falis? or is it intended for just the pound for pound champion? and if it is the former and not the later, what is the point? they have these things called title belts last time i checked

by bearcox13 on Jan 8, 2009 2:53 PM EST reply actions 0 recs

Is it an actual Native American Skull or a cheap Mexican nockoff.

by The_Vig on Jan 8, 2009 2:54 PM EST reply actions 0 recs

Jesus Christ, people, it’s satire. Come on.

by Luke Thomas on Jan 8, 2009 2:55 PM EST reply actions 1 recs

No kidding.

I think some people should do a quick check on their “Satire Detectors”.

"I'm AJB and I endorse this nut-puncher."

by AJB on Jan 8, 2009 2:56 PM EST up reply actions 0 recs

But the fact that some people thought that this was still in the realm of possibility of being true shows how low people think of WAMMA.

by Tonley on Jan 8, 2009 2:59 PM EST up reply actions 0 recs

Well as the nice WAMMA representative explained, you need to identify it as such up. Otherwise it doesn’t suffice. I wonder if that Mike guy or whatever his name is has seen this.

by MattTil on Jan 8, 2009 3:04 PM EST up reply actions 0 recs

The funniest part...

The funniest part about this… is people are actually believing it. LOL.. Michael LUNCH disapproves.

Editor-in-chief of MMA-Analyst.com

by Leland Roling on Jan 8, 2009 3:37 PM EST up reply actions 0 recs

Eliot Marshall: Bader won. Like I said in the episode, I'm not going to make any excuses. It's my job to be able to deal with when somebody's doing that. It's not his job to change up his tactics.

http://eliotmarshall.com/

by BJJDenver on Jan 8, 2009 3:45 PM EST up reply actions 0 recs

Haha. The funniest part is, I could really see them doing this.

by kyfm621 on Jan 8, 2009 2:59 PM EST reply actions 0 recs

Eliot Marshall: Bader won. Like I said in the episode, I'm not going to make any excuses. It's my job to be able to deal with when somebody's doing that. It's not his job to change up his tactics.

http://eliotmarshall.com/

by BJJDenver on Jan 8, 2009 3:03 PM EST reply actions 0 recs

If WAMMA had their way with their plan for corporate belt sponsors then we could see exactly that :D

by who me on Jan 8, 2009 5:06 PM EST up reply actions 0 recs

This story = fake

Wags

by DocWagner on Jan 8, 2009 3:21 PM EST reply actions 0 recs

Please GOD!

Please let this be a satire post……

by Chuntsman949 on Jan 8, 2009 3:22 PM EST reply actions 0 recs

ok it is satire, thank the good lord, and to the above, how can you say people are dumb for thinking this is real? WAMMA would absolutely do something like this …they are that insanely delusional

by Chuntsman949 on Jan 8, 2009 3:23 PM EST reply actions 0 recs

Well, in the future, keep in mind that everything Fightlinker posts is fake.

The real stuff is fake.

The rumored stuff is fake.

The fake stuff is, of course, fake.

"BJ on the BE" - Kierkegaard

by Brett Jones on Jan 8, 2009 3:25 PM EST up reply actions 0 recs

Ohhhhh YEAHHHH! DIGG IT!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3zjvFBv_qsA

LOL!

by xFenixKnightx on Jan 8, 2009 3:25 PM EST reply actions 1 recs

Excellent

by Phildo on Jan 8, 2009 3:50 PM EST up reply actions 0 recs

Memories…

by xFenixKnightx on Jan 8, 2009 3:51 PM EST up reply actions 0 recs

Fightlinker: We Think We’re Funny

by smoogy on Jan 8, 2009 3:26 PM EST reply actions 0 recs

This is good stuff!

I love how they repeatedly used “Affection” instead of Affliction. Very funny.

"Stop smiling you are about to be punched in the face !"

by Warhand on Jan 8, 2009 3:31 PM EST reply actions 0 recs

Wait, wait, wait. 8 inches and 7.3lbs?? They’re giving the winner an exact replica of my schlong? I didnt sign off allowing that!

by Gogoplatapus on Jan 8, 2009 3:44 PM EST reply actions 0 recs

i liked: “In addition, fans will have the opportunity to be photographed with a cardboard cutout of WAMMA lightweight champion Shinya Aoki and an artist’s rendition of his belt.”

i also didnt catch til my second reading that is was a LIFESIZE indian skull replica

if i could add something it would be that the staff holds a liter of wild turkey.

by Headkick on Jan 8, 2009 3:51 PM EST reply actions 0 recs

I am awaiting

the inevitable ‘leave WAMMA alone’ posters.

by subo on Jan 8, 2009 4:01 PM EST reply actions 0 recs

Here you go

Gimme 1 Round!

by skwirrl on Jan 8, 2009 5:05 PM EST up reply actions 1 recs

Dammit the caption bubble wasn't supposed to be there

oh well

Gimme 1 Round!

by skwirrl on Jan 8, 2009 5:06 PM EST up reply actions 0 recs

Nice!

by subo on Jan 9, 2009 9:12 PM EST up reply actions 0 recs

i enjoted this gem..

"it should be clear to anyone with half a brain that whomever WAMMA declares the champion truly is the ultimate fighting champion."

by DJ Soma on Jan 8, 2009 4:01 PM EST reply actions 0 recs

The crown and septor alone discredits WAMMA. They should go from WAMMA to WAM that shit is so gay. GET IT! Waka Waka Waka.

by donkeypunch on Jan 8, 2009 4:13 PM EST reply actions 0 recs

You forgot "SATIRE"

Some people never learn.

It has to be asked, but does this author also have a blog posting at Fightlinker?

by bignerd on Jan 8, 2009 4:18 PM EST reply actions 0 recs

Well I thought it was real until I read the comments. Shows how much credibility I view WAMMA with.

by pr0cs on Jan 8, 2009 4:20 PM EST reply actions 0 recs

That’s not what that shows.

by FRANKIE on Jan 8, 2009 5:12 PM EST up reply actions 0 recs

I smell legal action, man the nerve of these writers seriously fight linker better watch out or they might end up being deported for these kind of actions.

by ChillMike on Jan 8, 2009 4:30 PM EST reply actions 0 recs

And what the hell is an emerald sapphire?

by Michaelthebox on Jan 8, 2009 4:42 PM EST reply actions 0 recs

Guys...

I get that a lot of you are joking about “it needs to be labeled as satire” but some people arent. Just want to remind you all that…um…true satirical writings aren’t tagged with “this is satire”

Contributing Editor - BloodyElbow.com - SBNation's mixed martial arts headquarters.

by Brent Brookhouse on Jan 8, 2009 4:56 PM EST reply actions 0 recs

I think with WAMMA, it does need to be labeled. Who knows what wacky shit they are going to try to do next and what wacky shit people are making up. I mean in a real satire artcle there would be clues that its bull, but anything is possible with this WAMMA bunch.

by szucconi on Jan 8, 2009 5:00 PM EST up reply actions 0 recs

I know if I'm WAMMA in a harsh economy hurting for money

I sue Fightlinker to the stone age for libel

Gimme 1 Round!

by skwirrl on Jan 8, 2009 5:15 PM EST up reply actions 0 recs

Why would they waste money trying to sue on something that would obviously get laughed out of court and would generate even more bad publicity for them?

by who me on Jan 8, 2009 5:43 PM EST up reply actions 0 recs

I pointed this out below

this is OBVIOUSLY a joke because they never refer to Affliction only Affection maker of garish fight lifestyle clothing… But I would be waiting and watching for somebody to slip up and write something that can be interpreted as libel. BANG lawsuit. Gimme yo money sucka…

Gimme 1 Round!

by skwirrl on Jan 8, 2009 5:56 PM EST up reply actions 0 recs

Lawsuits like this cost money and the internet court only pays settlements in internet bucks. Seriously even if they could win a case they would have to show how they were harmed to get an award of monitary damages and that doesn’t neccessarily mean that they would actually get any money even if they did all that. Suing random people on the internet for anything just doesn’t work out very well.

by who me on Jan 8, 2009 6:18 PM EST up reply actions 0 recs

We are not posting “this is satire”. EVER. Take that to the bank and cash it.

by Luke Thomas on Jan 8, 2009 5:16 PM EST up reply actions 1 recs

well with this you really don't need to

Affection leading maker of garish fight lifestyle clothing… Day of Wreckening… Its obvious this is a joke. The fan post that raised hell in the first place seemed more like news. They overreacted to it but that was somewhat libelous in nature.

Gimme 1 Round!

by skwirrl on Jan 8, 2009 5:23 PM EST up reply actions 0 recs

Well that actually did say it was satire in it and in the comments section. It wasn’t well written but it wasn’t libelous either. I could understand them nicely asking for it to be better labeled, of course if they had done that then we probably wouldn’t of even known there was an issue to start with.

by who me on Jan 8, 2009 5:48 PM EST up reply actions 0 recs

Rec'd

Satirically, of course.

by subo on Jan 9, 2009 9:13 PM EST up reply actions 0 recs

I think you might want to add the “satire label” since the guy threatened to sue you last time because of it? I’m sure you are correct, but it’s expensive to pay a lawyer in court to find out.

by bignerd on Jan 8, 2009 5:00 PM EST up reply actions 0 recs

They are just linking an article from fightlinker, they aren’t responsible for it at all. One would hope that Michael Lunch would be moronic enough to threaten to sue fightlinker over this because that really would be comedy gold.

by who me on Jan 8, 2009 5:04 PM EST up reply actions 1 recs

If I could...

I’d rec’ this about 10 times. A metric ton of Chois. I really really REALLY want to see the shitstorm if WAMMA ever decides that Fightlinker is worth their time and effort. It would be awesome (and I’d put all my money on Jake and Ryan to somehow come out on top of it all).

"I'm AJB and I endorse this nut-puncher."

by AJB on Jan 8, 2009 7:30 PM EST up reply actions 0 recs

First WAMMA King Crowned (exclusive first picture!!!!)

"It's like a flying knuckle sandwich." --Rogan
"And many men have eaten it." -- Goldy

by thetakeover on Jan 8, 2009 4:58 PM EST reply actions 0 recs

Press that are interested in covering the event can show up early to join us for a complimentary "Steak n’ Eggs" breakfast with WAMMA spokesperson and former pro wrestling champion Bill Goldberg. RSVP to ensure we stock enough food as Jeff Sherwood is planning to attend as well. Please note that Goldberg will NOT be fielding questions in regard to his past feuds with TNA superstar Sting.

Too damn funny. I wonder how many people forgot that Goldberg was a WAMMA official?

by who me on Jan 8, 2009 4:58 PM EST reply actions 0 recs

When I read the title, I actually expected this to be real.

by Zack Gobie on Jan 8, 2009 5:30 PM EST reply actions 0 recs

Affection clothing? Michael Lunch? Of course it’s satire people. And damn good satire at that. Extremely funny.

by dedstrk316 on Jan 8, 2009 6:08 PM EST reply actions 0 recs

I wish I was this good.

I wish my writing skills was that good. If I could write that good I wouldn’t have bothered labeling mine satire.

This is great stuff and the fact that people can actually envision it being true is what makes it great satire. That fact that it’s believable is so awesome to me. I mean the only time WAMMA seems to be believable is when they are doing something truly absurd and every time they try to be credible it’s laughable.

by mattman73 on Jan 8, 2009 6:57 PM EST reply actions 0 recs

I have to be honest....

I was browsing the front page and (not knowing what fightlinker was) I speed read it and didn’t notice the intentional name changes. I thought it was real and rolled my eyes and thought “what a bunch of douche bags” and moved on to the incredible buyrate of UFC 92.

It was only when I went back and read it again that I thought …ok this has to be false. “This is tooo ridiculous….even for WAMMA”

by rainmaker6 on Jan 8, 2009 9:26 PM EST reply actions 0 recs

That’s a sign that it actually is good satire.

by who me on Jan 8, 2009 9:41 PM EST up reply actions 0 recs

Agreed. I get articles from the Onion e-mailed to me all the time (without the brand attached) by people who think it’s serious news. I read it, and if it seems just a little too fishy, I check the Onion. 9 times out of 10, it’s right there.

"I'm AJB and I endorse this nut-puncher."

by AJB on Jan 8, 2009 9:58 PM EST up reply actions 0 recs