TWO WARRIORS, AN OCTAGON, AND A PILE OF SHIT

"He's known for his striking, standup and decent on ground and pound but that's about it. I think I have more dimensions as an MMA fighter, so if he is for some reason beating me up on my feet, I am going to take him down and beat the shit out of him there." - Former Pride and UFC champion Dan Henderson, who has 63 dimensions as an MMA fighter. (Fighters Only)

"He said shit? That's just mean. I'm picturing myself laying in the middle of an Octagon in a pile of my shit right now. That's unsightly." - Former UFC middleweight champion Rich Franklin. No witty commentary necessary. (Cagewriter)

"How many more dimensions did he say? Was it like three more dimensions ... cause that's a lot of dimensions." - Franklin, continuing the funny.

FROM PILES OF SHIT TO BEING TREATED LIKE SHIT

"The UFC at this point haven’t technically talked to me about the show." - Franklin, addressing the rumor that he will coach opposite Michael Bisping on TUF 9 with a win over Henderson. (FiveOuncesofPain.com)

"I’ll just say that I’m not as excited to do it this time as I was to do it the first time." - Franklin, with a nice way of saying, "Fuck my life."

"I’m always willing to do whatever they ask me to do." - Franklin, OK, after the two beatings from Anderson Silva, should we look into Battered Fighter Syndrome?

"When the UFC asked me to move up to 205 pounds it was my intention to make it my home for at least a while." - Franklin, just wait until they ask him to cut to 170 to fight Thiago Alves. 

FROM RUSSIA WITH LOVE

"I like to have everything I love around me when I train." - WAMMA heavyweight champion Fedor Emelianenko. He listed red roses, newborns, and large stuffed animals among his loves. (FiveOuncesofPain.com)

"If he says something bad about them or me then he only makes his organization look weak." - Emelianenko, responding to comments from Dana White downplaying his victory over Tim Sylvia.

"I think if I fought for the UFC, he would try to sell me as the greatest MMA fighter that ever lived." - Emelianenko, when asked if he thought White would promote him as the number one heavyweight in the world.  In Russia, fighter promote you.

JACKSON'S SUBMISSION TWEAKING

"It’s a real honor for me to be coaching a fighter against him." - Trainer Greg Jackson, praising B.J. Penn. (Cage Potato)

"B.J. is endlessly creative, it’s amazing." - Jackson, who isn't referring to Penn's post-fight vampirism.

"It goes friendship first, the art second, and then money third." - Jackson, describing the training mentally in Albuquerque.

"The dogs that are scared to fight are always barking and jumping at you and then jumping away.  But a pitbull is just wagging his tail as he bites your neck and takes you down." - Jackson, who fortunately does not "Vick" his fighters if they lose.

"At least he showed you can win without it, which would be just fine with me." - Jackson, when told that Rashad Evans thought he started slow because he failed to perform the ritual of nipple tweaking.  Jackson is not a fan.

FILE THIS UNDER "A" FOR "AWESOME"

"Georges, I'm going to go to the death.  I'm going to try to kill you, and I'm not joking about this." - UFC lightweight champion B.J. Penn.  In the words of Stone Cold Steve Austin, "Oh, hell yeah." (Bloody Elbow)

"If Fitch reminded GSP of the Terminator, he's gonna think I'm God." - Penn, as eloquent with the tongue as he is with his fists. (Bloody Elbow)

...AND FILE THIS UNDER "W" FOR "WTF"

"There is no doubt in our minds that ultimately Affliction will be the Q-Tip of the mixed martial arts world. We will become the premier company when it comes to the fighters." - Affliction COO Michael Cohen, also considering starting Affliction lines of tissues and flying discs. (Cagewriter)

"I think Fedor has to get past Arlovski before he starts thinking about Tito Ortiz." - Former UFC light heavyweight champion Tito Ortiz. I think Ortiz needs to get past that wizard's sleeve before he thinks about Emelianenko. (15Rounds.com)

LA CUCARACHA ES EL LOCO

"As far as his stand up game, we’ll kill him." - Famed boxing trainer Freddie Roach, offering his opinion on Andrei Arlovski's upcoming fight with Fedor Emelianenko. (MMA Weekly)

"If we can keep the fight standing up, if he chooses to fight us like a man, we’ll dominate him." - Roach, may not be familiar with Emelianenko's fight with dynamic K-1 star Mirko Filipovic.

"He throws one punch after the other. He’s very predictable." - Roach

"He’s really good at the armbar, I guess it’s called." - Roach.  Yeah, he's also good at that MMA thing.

BRING OUT YOUR DEAD! BRING OUT YOUR DEAD!

"I’m sure they’d like to see us trade." - Former UFC heavyweight champion Mark Coleman, on what the fans want to see in his fight with Mauricio Rua. (MMA Mania)

"But if it ain’t going so well on our feet, certainly my bread and butter is going to be taking him to the ground and trying to ground and pound him. But I would like to try to stay on my feet, yeah." - Coleman, huh?

"Phil Baroni is the one that kinda convinced me that I … he basically said I eat like a pig." - Coleman.  Dude, if Baroni's giving you nutrition advice...

PARTING SHOTS

"If somebody tried to bite one of my fingers off or gouge my eyes, then I'll probably lose my cool and try to maim him for life." - Former UFC heavyweight champion Josh Barnett, who has me hoping Gilbert Yvel does something stupid on January 24th. (Cagewriter)

"He will be seeing his doctors regularly with bimonthly reports provided to the district attorney. He will also perform 200 hours of community service, which will be designed to reach as many young people as possible." - Quinton Jackson's attorney Carol Lavacot, laying out Jackson's plea bargain.  He will also be ordered to stay 50 feet away from all energy drinks. (OC Register)

"If it’s necessary, Bigfoot fights until the end of his life in Japan, that’s not a problem." - Antonio Silva's manager Alex Davis, setting the groundwork for a New Year's Eve fight with Godzilla. (Tatame)

"I’m from the streets. I ain’t afraid of no man unless he has a gun in his hand." - Former UFC light heavyweight champion Quinton Jackson, keep in mind, he is also a fan of The Secret. (MMA Mania)

"He obviously deserves a title shot. But it's going to be painful to watch." - Jason MacDonald, on the "kind of" anticipated rematch between Anderson Silva and Yushin Okami.  And we all know watching MacDonald is more exciting than a twelve car NASCAR pileup. (Sportsnet Canada)

"I wouldn't have 30 fights. I’d say five fights, then fight [Vitali or Wladimir] Klitschko." - Freddie Roach, who doesn't want his boy Pacquiao to fight Margarito, but doesn't mind tossing Arlovski to the wolves? (Bloody Elbow)

"I started my own gym two years ago, and I’m happy that my students are getting stronger, but it’s not exactly top-class training with them." - Former PRIDE lightweight champion Takanori Gomi, conveniently throwing his students under the bus. (Sherdog)

"Chris Leben, whether he was on steroids or whether he wasn't on steroids, he got his ass kicked." - Wolfslair Academy boss Anthony McGann (MMA Fanhouse)