THE TIGER WOODS OF SMACK TALK

"At 103 years of age Ken usurped our rightful place against the YouTube champ." - EliteXC Heavyweight Brett Rogers, responding to EXC's pairing of Kimbo Slice and Ken Shamrock (5 Ounces of Pain)

"Our sincerest hope is that Ken whips Kimbo and then we can finally euthanize the 'World's Most Dangerous Man' and relegate him to some MMA dinosaur exhibit." - Rogers, playing the part of huge-ass comet

"Maybe taxidermy him and (Dan) Severn and place them on a rotating pedestal where they can endless circle each other." - Rogers, leaving no one is his wake

"If Ken proves to be more sham [than] rock and Fergi beats him, then the Slice hype grows even greater." - Rogers, understanding how this fight could make him more money

"Dude is already more myth [than] Sasquatch, Chupacabra and a [expletive] unicorn combined. Kevin is the black Yeti." - Rogers, spitting some absolutely sick game

"So go ahead and make us wait while you fight Tank (Abbott) and Shamrock. Hell, why not fight (Keith) Hackney, Harold Howard, Fred Ettish and the rest of Jurassic MMA?" - Rogers, if he isn't your favorite fighter now, something is wrong with you

K.J. NOONS IS NOBODY'S PLAYTHING

"It is not about being scared to fight Diaz, who I previously defeated, it is about the fight I am currently in with Elite XC regarding my career. " - EliteXC Lightweight Champion K.J. Noons (Bloody Elbow)

"Elite XC creates a new weight class for Diaz because he beat Gomi.  Giving Diaz a belt and creating a weight division (160) he can make, will make your belt legit. Sorry to ruin Elite XC’s plans and beat him." - Noons

"Elite XC offered me a fight on the first CBS show, but only if I signed a new long-term contract.  Instead of promoting their best fighters on CBS, you have to be on a long term contract for them to promote you." - Noons

"I am tired of being bent over by Elite XC with no Vaseline." - Noons, who'd rather be gently massaged by his manager Mark Dion

JON KOPPENHAVER WAR MACHINE

"Turns out some gay ass wrestling federation (TNA) threatened to sue (UFC) because they recently named one of their wrestlers The War Machine Rhino and trademarked the name." - UFC fighter War Machine, continuing to show his intellectual side (War Machine's Myspace)

"Too (expletive) bad that I have been using this name for 6 years, have it tatted on my body and it is what my fans yell out when I’m fighting." - Machine, is that right?  Just Machine?

"If you know my personality then you know damn well I am not gonna let some (expletive) ass, FAKE wrestler steal MY name." - Machine, informing us of what must be his most endearing personality trait

"SO 6 weeks ago I filed a change of name request and today I had court to make my name officially WAR MACHINE. lol. (Expletive) funny right? Didn’t really wanna have to do it but I am sure as hell not lose MY nickname." - Machine, having his priorities in order

I WAS CHILLIN' WATCHING "THE SECRET"...WAIT, WHAT?

"I thought I heard the voice of God telling me to go save Brian" - Former UFC Light Heavyweight Champion Quinton Jackson, describing what was going through his head during his runaway truck escapade (OC Register)

"I felt if I didn't get to Brian, he would die." - Jackson

"What was I thinking?" - Jackson, asking a question that only God knows the answer to

"The Bible told me to have faith." - Jackson

"But 'The Secret' taught me how to have faith." - Jackson, what?

IT MAKES UP FOR HIS NICKNAME

"I get the same amount of money if I fight for a title than if I fight Joe Stevenson or Wayne Weems from season five of ‘The Ultimate Fighter.’" - UFC Lightweight contender Kenny Florian, on not fighting B.J. Penn next (Sherdog)

"Sure, there’s more prestige or whatever [with the title], but as far as making money … in boxing, you want the title fight because that guarantees you the big money." - Florian

"In the UFC, your contact really stays the same. The prestige comes with winning the belt, not the motivation of the money." - Florian

"I assume after this, then I’ll be fighting for the title. But again, I’m not sure. I’ve learned to take it one fight at a time, and any promises that are made can change very quickly." - Florian

WHITE NOISE

"As part of his contract, he goes out and ... I don't know, something to do with his contract, but he's still got his foot in the door with his contract. As part of our business practice in this crazy world these days, we — let me think how I can word this to you." - UFC President Dana White, discussing rumors about negotitations with Tito Ortiz (USA Today)

"I always say, we make this thing look a lot easier than it really is, and we're definitely not going to make it easy for anybody else. We're going to make things tough for other people." - White, who may not realize that the stronger his grip, the more star systems will slip through his fingers

"Yup, and I'm going take them." - White, answering a vague questions about having "certain rights" in regards to Ortiz's contract negotiations

PARTING SHOTS

"He's a known commodity and so is Kimbo. That makes for a spectacular event." - EliteXC Vice President Jared Shaw, overhyping Kimbo/Shamrock (ESPN Radio 1100)

"We reviewed all the medical records and spoke with the victim’s physician and the evidence showed that the loss of the fetus was not related to the crash." - Spokesperson for Orange County's Distract Attorney's Office Farrah Emami, who may or may not have seen "The Secret" (Sherdog)

"I'm trying to get away and think about something else, and Chuck's beating up this black dude. I'm like damn." - UFC Light Heavyweight Rashad Evans, talking about seeing Chuck Liddell beating up Vernon White in the "Pineapple Express" (UFC Teleconference)

"I figured because I held the title for so long, I would be getting a title shot after I beat Silva but for whatever reason it didn't work out that way." - Liddell, missing that warm feeling of silver spoon in his mouth (Eurosport Yahoo)

"Ah yea, I heard that the American, Jake Shields, is saying 'Aoki ran.' What the hell are you? A feudal lord? If you were some kinda genius like Michael Jackson, maybe I'd pay you some mind. But you? You can't say that." - DREAM Lightweight Shinya Aoki, responding to comments from Jake Shields (World MMA)