Jon "War Machine" Koppenhaver: Fighter, Sociologist, Alpha Male

by Luke Thomas on May 27, 2008 2:28 PM EDT in MMA News

The following is an excerpt from a blog post written by recently defeated UFC welterweight Jon "War Machine" Koppenhaver that details his vision for himself, his future and why faggots and stuff keep bothering him. Enjoy:

So I have pretty much decided that in the next couple of years I am gonna move somewhere LESS CIVILIZED. After all, civilization and LAWS are in place to protect the WEAK anyway. Me being the Alpha Male, Spartan, SAVAGE that I am...I see no need for this type of B.S.

I don't go around looking for trouble and am in no way a bully. Actually if it were my way I would never have fights outside the ring, just train all day and fuck all night...lol
But when someone needs to be smashed or KILLED I would be more than happy to do it. Like for instance the other night...I was minding my business walking down the street and three drunk guys and two chicks walk by me and talk shit to me. Making fun of my haircut or some lame shit. Instinctively I want to smash their faces in, I mean that's what they deserve and what nature calls for. But instead I have to let their gf's make excuses for them so I do nothing and let these faggots feel tough for a night.

Why should I have to be less of a man to protect the rights and lives of lesser men?
Why if I smash all three of their faces do I get arrested and prosecuted and no one asks them WHY THE FUCK THEY WENT OUT OF THEIR WAY TO HARASS ME IN THE FIRST PLACE!?
As you all know I got in big trouble earlier this year for a similiar situation. Same type of thing. I was minding my business and some drunk dude talked shit and I terrorized him. Long story short and 20 grand later I ended up with probation and community service but was warned by the judge that a repeat would earn me prison time. So basically I am now walking on egg shells.

I wonder if those three drunk guys with their girlfriends the other night were Yoshiyuki Yoshida and his trainers.

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I wonder if those three drunk guys with their girlfriends the other night were Yoshiyuki Yoshida and his trainers.

Shit. That was funny.

by pud333 on May 27, 2008 2:42 PM EDT reply actions

I believe on the TUF show it was discovered that he has huge insecurity issues. This is pretty typical of people who have no self esteem.

by mythbuster on May 27, 2008 2:44 PM EDT reply actions

Only thing that surprises me about this, is that he could find the power button on the computer.

Can’t really understand why this guy is a crowd favorite, other than his recognition from being a replacement fighter on TUF.

Sorry, but this is exactly the kind of guy that the sport doesn’t need.

"They said you was hung!!"

"And they was RIGHT!"

by BJJDenver on May 27, 2008 2:59 PM EDT reply actions

I kind of felt sorry for him when he was on TUF, but I liked the heart he showed when he was being beaten up by Tommy Speer, then later on when he fought in the finale against Rollins. The emotion he showed afterwards kinda made me like him. But then he gets into trouble beating up that guy, and now this. This is a clear example of finding out too much about someone. He shouldn’t be fighting; he should be in therapy.

by pud333 on May 27, 2008 3:04 PM EDT up reply actions

Agreed. He was swaying me over, but this stuff repulses me.

It would be a much better story if he was overcoming his problems in order to succeed, but instead he seems to be perpetuating them.

"They said you was hung!!"

"And they was RIGHT!"

by BJJDenver on May 27, 2008 3:20 PM EDT up reply actions

There’s something to be said for people acting a fool and subsequently getting their comeuppance, but I think the case is better made by someone who’s not Jon Koppenhaver.

Jon should just find out where the guys live and leave an upper decker in their toilet.

by Brett Jones on May 27, 2008 3:37 PM EDT reply actions

Intermittent Explosive Disorder?

by Gong on May 27, 2008 3:56 PM EDT reply actions

If you want to go somewhere less civilized, why dont you move to downtown Baghdad and be the “alpha male” over there fuckface.

by nitro on May 27, 2008 4:43 PM EDT reply actions

hell

if it had been yoshida, they would have walked over and choked his ass out. wonder how “alpha male” he feels when he’s getting his ass choked out?

i gotta agree with the insecurity issues. on TUF didn’t they say he watched his dad die? that’ll fuck anyone up. i’ve been watching Dexter on showtime, i guess if he just turns into a bar-fight starting jerkass we’re lucky.

-- I've misplaced my pants.

by garth on May 27, 2008 5:12 PM EDT reply actions

I’m starting to think that it wasn’t a great idea for the guy he choked to give him that free pass. Prison would have given him a wake up call to what it really means to be an alpha male.

by Yasnian on May 27, 2008 6:16 PM EDT reply actions

I’m pretty surprise because I would not have guessed that Alpha Males would use “lol”.

(the poster formerly known as holden636)

by TheFightJournal on May 27, 2008 7:49 PM EDT reply actions

Better than...

“teehee”

Contributing Editor - BloodyElbow.com - SBNation's mixed martial arts headquarters.

"The reason a lot of people do not recognize opportunity is because it usually goes around wearing overalls and looking like hard work." -- Thomas Edison

by Brent Brookhouse on May 27, 2008 9:09 PM EDT up reply actions

Wait...

If you get your ass kicked in fair fight, doesn’t that in fact make you a beta male? I agree with garth.

“three drunk guys and two chicks walk by me and talk shit to me. Making fun of my haircut or some lame shit”

Man… So he’s not quite sure what they said, only that they were just some drunk folks walking it off, and he thinks the need to be “smashed and killed”? And since he can’t kill them for probably not saying something that he can’t quite remember/didn’t happen, he’s going to run away to another country? Touche, Mr. Koppenhaver. I only hope that you and the other fragile victims of savage, drunken hair-mockery can finally find peace by moving to Somalia and punching each other in the throat, as you envision in your dreams.

I’ve met ‘that guy’ (so to speak) and would definitely feel sorry for him—except this one can afford treatment to remove that giant chip from his shoulder, but apparently refuses to. Tough to loose your Dad at 13, but to become a man one usually learns that urges to kill other people’s Dads at random is generally a BAD thing.

by swarmofkillermonkeys on May 27, 2008 11:35 PM EDT reply actions