I'm Sorry, WAMMA [SATIRE - The Magic Word]

by Derek Suboticki on Dec 18, 2008 10:39 PM EST

I want to apologize for my brain's consistent refusal to cease any activity other than maintaining basic life functions and manipulating my hand to open my wallet and give WAMMA money. Despite my consistent efforts - further motivated by legal scholar Michael Lynch's piercing knowledge of jurisprudence and fear for my freedom - my cerebral cortex still insists upon attempting to square what WAMMA's highest ranking officials say about how they rank fighters versus how they actually rank fighters.

It is with a heavy heart that I report that I've been unable to grasp my refusal to grasp how GSP v Jon Fitch wasn't a WAMMA welterweight title fight. My brain continues to think that this can only be explained by a suicidal business plan that involved flipping off the sport's Goliath while simultaneously banking on the schills, disgraced boxing promoters and former rappers to provide a dependable revenue stream. I know that it is wrong, and I'm sorry. It even goes deeper than that.

In my darkest, weakest moments, I find myself viewing WAMMA as a corrupt, bassackwards, inconsistent, unprofessional, illegitimate, meaningless piece of shit enterprise, doomed to obscurity until death, with nothing better to do in the meantime except burn other people's money, hold back the sport's development, introduce boxing's bullshit into MMA and legally intimidate and harrass fans. And I don't think there's a cure.

I'm sorry, WAMMA. But not as sorry as you. Fuck you.

The FanPosts are solely the subjective opinions of Bloody Elbow readers and do not necessarily reflect the views of Bloody Elbow editors or staff.

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Comments

I hate my non-formatting Safari-having Mac

But still, that’s some pretty good shit right there, correct spacing or not.

by Derek Suboticki on Dec 18, 2008 10:40 PM EST reply actions

I hope..

..you frame his inevitable email.

by Blackout612 on Dec 18, 2008 10:43 PM EST reply actions

I just hope I don’t get called in by the Gestapo. But, if they’re being ran by WAMMA, I doubt I’d have too much trouble dodging their advances.

by Derek Suboticki on Dec 18, 2008 10:48 PM EST up reply actions

I've had a horrible day..

seriously, thank you!!

by steveoc24 on Dec 18, 2008 10:58 PM EST reply actions

Weigh in with your own apologies to WAMMA!

I should simply not have more recs than comments. Let the fur fly, people.

by Derek Suboticki on Dec 18, 2008 11:43 PM EST reply actions

I predict the email will bitch about how you didn’t directly put This is satire in the title, and that SATIRE- The Magic Word is too vague, and that you can’t fuck with Lynch because he has 12 years of law study under his ugly bulky boxing-esque belts. lol

by Kaleb Kelchner on Dec 18, 2008 11:59 PM EST reply actions

I sincerely hope you’re right.

by Derek Suboticki on Dec 19, 2008 12:10 AM EST up reply actions

Let me summarize this fan post, if I may.

subo to WAMMA:

by Discman2 on Dec 19, 2008 1:09 AM EST reply actions 4 recs

I’ll sign that.

by Derek Suboticki on Dec 19, 2008 2:05 AM EST up reply actions

They should of just stuck to making slip and slides, frisbees and hula hoops instead of this poor attempt to cash in on MMA.

by who me on Dec 19, 2008 1:24 AM EST reply actions

wamma is a joke.. so i just choose to ignore them ever since brent’s piece where wamma said that robbie lawler and lindland could be considered for a wamma belt.. Theyre corrupt assholes. I already had my doubts at first,but brent’s article and their responses just proved it..

http://weoweoweo.deviantart.com/

by Anton Tabuena on Dec 19, 2008 2:11 AM EST reply actions

Normal Person: Hey Matt do you think could point out the post is satire a little more. Pat never said those words.

Michael Lynch (WAMMA): Matt I have 12 years of being a douchebag lawyer and ripping people off. I’m gonna sue your ass if you don’t take back your words. Your article crossed the legal line notwithstanding your attempt to cover yourself which was woefully insufficient. (his actual words) You like my legal jibberish. Well you’ll be eating more of it cause u messed with the WAMMA. We’re so hot and soooo fresh.

Disclaimer: This information was provided by a reputable confidential source codenamed “Myanus” but has not been validated yet.

by Sokonojudo on Dec 19, 2008 2:16 AM EST reply actions 2 recs

I was at the airport today...

and I ran into someone named Michael Lynch.

Anyway, he was telling me how Elite XC is coming back from the dead and with Affliction planning a big 2009, he said they may not even recognise the legitimacy of UFC in 6 months and if MMA fighters really wanted a title that meant something, they better start filling out those W.A.M.M.A. membership forms.

I never did understand why he wants MMA fighters to become members of a kitchen ware manufacturer?

by Benicio on Dec 19, 2008 3:18 AM EST reply actions

GSP v Jon Fitch wasn’t a WAMMA welterweight title fight because UFC prevented it.

WAMMA would gladly give belts to GSP and Anderson Silva but UFC won’t allow it. God forbid a casual UFC fan notices Fedor carries around the same belt as GSP and realizes Fedor is legit.

Here is some satire:
You are the perfect UFC fan.

by bignerd on Dec 19, 2008 4:09 AM EST reply actions

really now. the ufc wont put wamma’s face on its shows. But if wamma wants to be legit, they should still award it to the fighters even if they dont show it in the UFC. Silva and GSP should still be wamma champions even if the UFC doesnt want to recognize the belt.

but wamma doesnt care about that, they just want theyre face on the UFC and other shows when they do award the belts, to make some damn money. Why would they even consider putting lindland vs lawler for the wamma belt when everybody knows that silva is the best? Cause they wont earn money and wont get their face on the show.

If they really want to be legit, award the belts after the fight. So what if the UFC wont recognize them, so what if GSP doesnt decide to flaunt the belt when he goes around, at least they have legitimate wamma champions and they’d be sticking to their ‘goal’. Instead of just trying to “co promote” to earn cash off people.

Its not about being a UFC fan or considering Fedor to be Legit.. cause fedor really is, but wamma isnt..

http://weoweoweo.deviantart.com/

by Anton Tabuena on Dec 19, 2008 4:34 AM EST up reply actions

Isn’t that how ring magazine works in boxing? They are considered very legit in those circles and they don’t care if promoters recognize their declared champions or not. WAMMA didn’t make GSP vs Fitch a WAMMA heavyweight fight because they are a self admitted for profit organization and there is no way for them to make any money off that fight or that belt unless the UFC recognizes them and allows them to be part of their PPV with the WAMMA name prominently displayed. What company is going to sponsor that WAMMA belt and pay them money for it if the UFC won’t promote WAMMA and the belt on their shows? This all boils down to the money because that’s what it always boils down to in the end with for profit organizations.

Bignerd it’s really really sad that you accuse other people of being fanboys of the UFC when you wear your blatant bias on your sleeve in almost every single post you make for the entire world to see. Pot meet kettle.

by who me on Dec 19, 2008 4:55 AM EST up reply actions

Yes. Rings Magazine simply prints their own rankings regardless of who fights where. They are so well respected that most people take their rankings as THE rankings.

If Rings operated like WAMMA are trying to, you would have them leave out fighters simply because the promoter doesnt advertise in their magazine. eg: Sorry De La Hoya, you’re not ranked in our list cos Golden Boy didnt give us enough advertising dollars this quarter.

by Benicio on Dec 19, 2008 5:02 AM EST up reply actions

You really need to go back and read the other WAMMA related articles posted by brent and others previously. All this has been covered at length by those far more in the know.

by Benicio on Dec 19, 2008 4:56 AM EST up reply actions

Here is some fact…the replies to this pwned you. .

God forbid WAMMA gives it to GSP anyways. Come up with a good argument for that and people will listen. But you can’t, because even the WAMMA representatives beat around the bush when someone uses a little bit of logic, or has an idea that dosen’t envolve them profiting in some way. Just look at the old WAMMA interview done on this very website.

They said everything they could to avoid saying “We won’t just give the title to the rightful owners solely because we benefit in no way.” I’m sorry, but if thats really their policy, then they aren’t a ranking system at all, they’re just a bunch of assclowns with money, trying to get a piece of the MMA Pie.

by Kaleb Kelchner on Dec 19, 2008 10:47 AM EST up reply actions

Why would a company like the UFC want to support WAMMA?

UFC worked hard to get to number one. I support any org that works as hard and succeeds, just as I will chastise any promotion that is inept.

Eliot Marshall: Bader won. Like I said in the episode, I'm not going to make any excuses. It's my job to be able to deal with when somebody's doing that. It's not his job to change up his tactics.

http://eliotmarshall.com/

by BJJDenver on Dec 19, 2008 11:02 AM EST up reply actions

Ahahahahahahahaha!

Thank you subo, for saying what the rest of us were thinking.

by Michaelthebox on Dec 19, 2008 1:05 PM EST reply actions

But not as sorry as you. Fuck you.

This line made me lose my shit. Thank god nothing is happening at work today and almost no one is here, because otherwise I’d have to try and explain why I sound like a braying donkey, and that might involve having to try and explain WAMMA.

My IQ just isn’t low enough for me to attempt THAT feat.

Co-workers: “So let me get this straight – they’re an organization that exists for no other purpose than to arbitrarily rank fighters in order to some how create an objective champion?”

Me: “Yep.”

CW: “And most of the fighters and the biggest promotion are not involved.”

Me: “Yep.”

CW: “How are they in any way legitimate? Especially if they simply discount fighters that don’t play ball. And how does this turn into a lawsuit against some guy writing on the internet?”

Me: “Fuck, you stumped me!”

"I'm AJB and I endorse this nut-puncher."

by AJB on Dec 19, 2008 2:32 PM EST reply actions 1 recs

I appreciate the compliment.

by Derek Suboticki on Dec 19, 2008 6:14 PM EST up reply actions

subo i thoroughly enjoyed dat

by dropkick101 on Dec 19, 2008 4:34 PM EST reply actions

I am in debt to whomever cleaned this up

Reveal yourself and receive… um… my praise?

by Derek Suboticki on Dec 19, 2008 6:38 PM EST reply actions

You’re welcome.

Bolts from the Blue // "It is what it is." - A.J. Smith
Bloody Elbow // "Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats." - H.L. Mencken

by Richard Wade on Dec 19, 2008 6:44 PM EST up reply actions